UsAndCats

2012 Goals

2012-01-24T20:29:00.002-05:00

Not really resolutions, per se, but I do have some goals for this year. And I know this is late in coming but we've been busy. Seriously, my main goal is to get January over with and to never have another month like this one. Other than that, here's what I want to accomplish this year:

I want to run a race each month, March-November. I'll start with a little 5 miler in March and work my way up to the Niagara Falls half marathon in October again. I'd like to find one when we go away for a weekend here or there as well.

I'm only reading books that we owned on January 1, 2012. I'm doing this because we own way too many books that neither of us have ever read. It means that I got a lot of books for Christmas (some more than once) but I should still be able to make a dent in the unread shelves this year.

Baseball. Hopefully the husband and I will make it to at least 2 MLB fields that we've never been to. Pittsburgh and Toronto are on my list since they are so close. And I want to hit several games here in Buffalo. Bring on summertime!

I want to cook more. And bake more. I'm open to ideas as to what to learn to cook. And if you're close by I'm more than happy to share my successes.

And I guess I want to be a better person. I should love more and genuinely care about others. We'll see how that one goes.

Highlights of Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T21:05:00.002-05:00

Staying up past midnight the night before, baking Thanksgiving desserts--maple pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin roll with cream cheese frosting, cranberry apple pie.

Starting my day with an 8k through the streets of Buffalo.

The delicious smells in the house upon arriving home from said 8k.

Stewart's turkey, stuffing and gravy.

My dad telling me he used to be proud of me (this was his reaction when I told him that I started my day by running 5 miles).

Ashlee's mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, veggies, rolls and more.

After dinner nap.

Knowing that everyone loved my desserts.

Spending almost all day with the Husband.

Knowing that I can sleep in as much as I want tomorrow, and then take a nap.

After meeting Kevin's parents once, being told to look them up if we ever find ourselves in Tennessee.

Only driving the mile-ish to the Campbells. I love being home for holidays. And by home I mean wherever I live (though I am insanely excited for Christmas in Idaho/Utah).

Interested in Tax Law? I know I'm not.

2011-11-08T22:15:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite sculptures of all time is Rodin's "La Porte d'Enfer," or "The Gates of Hell." No photo of this epic work can do it justice. It depicts Dante's vision of the Inferno.

What always fascinated me about the sculpture is the placement of the Thinker above the door. I suppose his presence could signify how any attempt to replace the divine Word with human understanding is doomed to hell-fire and torment.

I would suggest an alternative interpretation. Perhaps the Thinker is actually an accountant; hell seems like an apt place for most of that ilk (sorry Heiffer). Moreover, perhaps his punishment is not to sit on a stool with poor lumbar support. Instead his punishment is to spend eternity contemplating the U.S. Tax Code. I can think of no worse torment.

Now back to my Federal Income Tax homework. May God have mercy on my soul.

Dr. Stewlove: or How I Learned to Turn off F-book and Start Blogging

2011-10-24T21:28:00.003-04:00

I really won't have anymore time to blog now than I did before I shut down the f-book. Law school ensures that my paucity of free time is spent reading judicial decisions. It's gotten so bad that "The Hobbit" has become my toilet book. You may scoff at this for many reasons, but let us be frank here for a moment.

The toilet is the most comfortable seat in the house. It allows your nooks and crannies an opportunity to escape their confinement; I believe that there is an inverse relationship between the wearing of trousers and the power to contemplate the sublime (it is this relationship that makes wearing a kilt a necessity for deep thinkers). No one wants to disturb you on the toilet...or at least not me (this is both from the stink and the lack of kids). Lastly, the longer you spend on the loo the less likely people are to bother you about it (I'll leave it to your mind contemplate the full import of that sentence).

That said most people find it rather disturbing to talk about their toilet books. It has become so taboo that the N.S.A.T.R. (the National Society for the Advancement of Toilet Reading (It's a thing, seriously)) has released a study saying that 83% of all reading is now being done in bed and using a kindle. This movement from the toilet to the bedroom has caused an epidemic of both constipation and bed sores. It's time that we all turn this tide, grab a book, and settle down for a prolonged poo.

This just goes to show two things. First, if the most creative writing you do in over a year regards the application of U.S. naturalization law to a Nazi war-criminal, you lose your muse and end up writing about defecation. Secondly, Facebook is a giant societal dookie.

I knew you missed my blog posts.

~The First

The Summer of Fun, part 2

2011-10-03T18:10:00.009-04:00

We refer to the summer of 1999 as "the summer of fun." We had just met, were taking only a few credits at BYU over the summer (Stewart actually had a full courseload, but I made him act like he only had one class-he still blames me for his sub-par performance in french phonetics) and we spent a lot of time playing, his apartment and my apartment and those associated with us. We did things like crawled through Nutty Putty caves, walked along University Ave, had bbq's and played ultimate frisbee and went bowling. At the time I was taking a bowling class, and a religion class on LDS family and marriage so I figured that going bowling with guys counted as studying for both :) Less than a year later the husband and I were married. We kept having fun, but nothing took the title away from that summer.

But the summer of 2011 comes close, in my opinion. Stewart took one class for the first half of the summer, but other than that he just had his 9-5 internship with little to no homework. So we played. A lot. And I loved it.

Before summer actually began we went hiking along the Niagara River. Talk about amazing.

We started the summer by spending Memorial Day weekend in Canton, with some good friends. It was pretty and quiet and I was somehow able to sleep without the sounds of Buffalo all around at night. And we made some terrible food choices over those 4 days.

We spent a weekend in June in the Rochester/Victor area. It's beautiful there. And so close to the Palmyra temple.

On July 3 we crashed a party across the street. Best way to meet your neighbors. For Independence Day we hosted a bbq for some of the husband's law school peeps and then watched the fireworks by the lake. So nice. Except for when Stewart dropped a box of flooring tiles on his toe. Part of it is still black. This is the view over the lake before the fireworks.

Then, later in July, Stewart and I ran a 15k in Utica. My time wasn't great but it was a great race. Utica really turns out for it, probably because they don't have anything else going for them. The zoo had some animals along the side of the street at one point. And they had people handing out Popsicles.

We had a few trips back east to the Albany area, and spent one Sunday at a family reunion in Massachusetts, celebrating the 90th birthday of Stewart's grandmother.

Here's Stewart at our friends' house in the mountains somewhere around Albany, where we stayed for one of our weekends out there.

We also went to several Buffalo Bisons baseball games. I don't know if they won any of them.

And in August we had our friends the Cotons visit for a short weekend. We went to Niagara Falls and rode the Maid of the Mist

and visited Fort Niagara, which is located right near the point where the Niagara River meets Lake Ontario. We could see Toronto in the distance. They did a reenactment of a battle and then we wandered through the buildings and got a feeling for what life was like in the fort.

We also saw both plays that were put on as part of Shakespeare in the Park and went for walks and runs and strolled down Elmwood Avenue. I was sad to see the summer end and for Stewart to start school again and be busy, but I'm also enjoying the quiet-ness of autumn.

Musings on the Boilermaker

2011-07-10T18:55:00.002-04:00

The husband and I ran the boilermaker 15k this morning. We woke up at 4am to get the race in time to pick up our numbers and all that. Here are some of the highlights:

Hearing the National Anthem twice today, once played by the Navy band after the race. I also thoroughly enjoyed hearing it before the race, when 13000 runners spontaneously started singing along.
The little white girls whose t-shirts read "Kenyan in Training."
The dude who had "Boilermaker virgin" written on his back. I guess the husband and were too. Glad we lost that together.
The Mile 5 Popsicle stand. There were some at the end as well.
Getting beaten by both my nearly 65 year old FIL and the husband with gimpy toe and a gimpy knee.
Accomplishing something I set out to do at the beginning of the year.
The shower I enjoyed upon arriving home.

On August 3rd the husband and I begin our 12 week training program for the half marathon we're running in October.

Nine Months Ago...

2011-05-15T22:41:00.003-04:00

We moved to Buffalo. We gave up the comfort of two incomes and lots of people we love to move to Buffalo so the Husband could start law school. We hadn't sold the house and I didn't have a job lined up, but it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. A ton of people came to help us load our truck on Saturday, we could never thank everyone enough. Then we spent Saturday night and Sunday saying our goodbyes, and we left our first home Monday morning. I didn't enjoy the 4.5 hour drive with two crying cats, but I had it easy compared to Stewart who drove the big Uhaul truck along the NYS thruway. (From now on we get movers).

Stewart started law school and I began the job search. We also worked with our real estate agent to sell our home in Colonie. We knew things would work out but there were still some stressful times. We got an offer on the house the week I started working. Miracle of miracles.

Now we are all settled in and only make the trip back to Albany once every 4-6 weeks. At first it was more like every 3 weeks. There is much that we miss, but there is also a lot that we love about our new lives.

We miss the people terribly. We were surrounded by so many people that we love. We were so often busy with dinners and other fun things that we were never lonely, nor did we want for socializing. We miss our home and the pride that comes with home-0wnership. And the room since our apartment is about half the space. I miss the familiarity of living in a place for so long. I miss a lot of the things we loved doing "back east."

But I never expected to be THIS happy in Buffalo, at least not this soon. I love how quiet and simple our lives here are. Because the Husband is always (and I mean ALWAYS) studying, I have a lot of time to myself. I read a lot. I'm running more. I'm focusing on improving myself in ways that I didn't feel like I had time before. I love that our apartment is small enough that I can clean the whole thing in about 5 hours. I love the friends we are making here.

I'm enjoying the reduced stress from renting again. Our apartment is great-a two bedroom townhouse, almost all hardwood floors (the stairs are carpeted), an attached garage in the basement, our own washer & dryer in the garage/basement, a mile from the park.

This was the right thing for us to do and it was the right time and we are in the right place. We may leave Buffalo in two more years when Stewart finishes law school, or we may stay for long time after, but no matter what I'm glad we're here now.

And we have nearly reached the End

2011-03-29T18:55:00.002-04:00

Of vegetarian (almost) month, that is. I have to admit, I crave meat these days, but not chicken. Mostly a good hamburger, but more on that later.

So since the Sister Missionaries came over for our gourmet grilled cheese & tomato soup, here's what the Forbes have been eating.

That Friday we tried a Falafel Bar that we've passed a few times. It's just down the road from my favorite wing place and if we weren't off meat I don't know if I would ever pass up Duff's for falafel. (btw, it's kind of scandalous that I prefer Duff's to Anchor Bar since wings originated at Anchor Bar. But I have to go with my gut.) I'm so glad we tried the Falafel Bar because it was delicious. Stewart got the falafel wrap and I got the spanakopita. This is how I judge Mediterranean restaurants. Very good. I grabbed a take out menu on my way out. Coincidentally this place is kind of on Husband's way home from school.

Spinach mushroom quiche. I prefer Stewart's quiche with ham in it, but this tasted ok. Then it made me sick. Bummer. Husband, who was unaffected, took one for the team and finished it over the next few days.

Cream of Mushroom Fake Bake. This was way too mushroomy after the quiche. And super cheesey which we don't do too often any more. We threw away some leftovers, even.

Singapore Noodles. This was this week's stir fry. Quite good. The house smelled like curry for days afterward. My area of the office did too since I made the mistake of taking some for lunch.

Mushroom & olive pizza and french fries. I am most happy that I found suitable NY style pizza in Buffalo. We've tried a few places but no where does it just right. This still is no Paesans but it will get another try. Maybe their pepperoni pizza is better. And pizza joints here do buffalo wing pizza.

Home made spanakopita. I like it so much Husband suggested I try making it. Apparently he thought I needed something to do with an hour and a half on Sunday besides nap. But it was worth it and it's been serving as lunch since. The recipe called for too much butter so next time I'll cut back on that. And now that I'm comfortable working with phyllo dough I think I'll try making baklava sometime. And mmm, spinach.

Black bean soup. This is a favorite of ours and I'm surprised we made it this far into a vegetarian month without it. So good. It will be dinner again tonight.

Tomorrow is Smoked Mozzerella sandwiches with roasted red peppers, olive tapanade and pesto. I think I'll make some potato chips to go along with it.

And to finish out the vegetarian month, Stewart will make a tortillas with potatoes out of our Spanish cookbook. You know, because he's Mexican. Friday we plan on being in Batavia, on our way home from the temple so we'll stop at the Mexican place there and order something chicken enchiladas or something equally meaty.

Saturday we are going to Grovers where they serve even the salads with a hamburger patty. The burgers are just under a pound and the fries and onion rings come in the same basket. I can hardly wait. Let the meat-gasm begin!

The Week Including Our One Cheating Day

2011-03-17T18:18:00.002-04:00

Since the last post here's what we've been eating. I'm a bit behind so I might not get the days right, but I can remember what we've had.

Jenny's Tamale Pie-really good. We had a variation at least a year ago, though it was not Jenny's. Jenny's is better. And anything with a corn bread topping is good. It made good lunch leftovers too.

Dinner out. I met up with some ladies from church and we ate at Panera. I had to try something new because my usual apparently has meat substances in it. So I tried the mozzerella sandwich. Soo good. I may have a new favorite. I picked up a veggie burrito at the nearby Chipotle for Husband on my way home.

Fideo out of my vegetarian cookbook. I think I prefer this made with vegetable stock over my usual beef stock. It's not as good as what you get at Cafe Rio but for out here it works in a pinch. And I can add extra feta so it's not a total loss.

Burritos. We were supposed to have dinner with friends on Friday but they cancelled on account of being sick so we had to eat at home, just the two of us. Fortunately it wasn't too uncomfortable.

Sunday was our St. Patty's Day meal, that we had planned in as our one day to eat meat this month. I made my corned beef pot pie, Stewart made bread, and we at with two of Stewart's classmates and their partners. Ashlee made a French Onion Soup and the sauce and cookies we had with ice cream. An amazing meal. We had to leave the leftovers with Kevin. I think he had almost an entire pot pie to himself this week.

We had a lot of leftovers throughout the week and have frozen what was left for another day. You can only eat the same leftovers for so long, you know.

Sweet & Sour Tofo. I can safely say that we both like tofu now, when it's prepared correctly, which I can now do. There were a lot of veggies in it, too. Again, good leftovers.

Last night we fed the Sister Missionaries grilled cheese, tomato soup (not the premade, canned stuff, though) and pesto pasta salad. Not the most impressive meal we've ever served them, but we finished with crepes so they went home happy.

Vegetarian Week 1

2011-03-06T21:24:00.003-05:00

One week in and we're going strong. Even after running 5 miles in the rain yesterday, we did not succumb to the meatball.

Our menu this week was:

March 1: Tofu Peanut & Noodle Stir Fry from our Wok cookbook. It turned out really good though peanut butter on red pepper strips and broccoli is a little weird.

March 2: Ziti with Sharp Cheddar from our vegetarian cookbook. This is not a new recipe to us, it's one we love. I think this is where we first discovered the joy of the leak.

March 3 & 4: Leftovers from the previous two days. We are just two people and cooking usually leaves us with a lot of food. I like it this way. It was nice to not have to cook those days. Coincidentally I also did not do any dishes. As a result I did a lot of dishes today.

March 5: We went to dinner with some friends to a local Italian place, Vino's, which is famous for it's meatballs. Alas, neither of us got said meatball, though our dining companions each did. We will return in another month (I'm thinking that while it's no Sabs we will eat here when my parents visit, you know, once Buffalo thaws) and then there will be meatballs for all.

March 6: Hungarian Stuffed Peppers from our Starting with Ingredients cookbook. This might be my favorite cookbook EVER. But don't pay the full list price of $45 or so. Stewart found it online for something like $7. We did the vegetarian variation and filled the peppers with wild rice and mushrooms instead of veal and sausage. It was good, but Husband doesn't like the texture of baked peppers. btw, he picked the recipe.

This week we have planned: Fire Roasted Corn Chowder that we didn't get to last week on account of a fridge full of leftovers, Jenny's Tamale pie, a dinner at Panera, and if necessary the Fideo, which is not alike or as good as Cafe Rio's.

An Experiment

2011-02-28T18:38:00.002-05:00

As husband mentioned on the facebook, we are going *almost* vegetarian for the month of March. I say almost because we will be having cow pie for St. Patty's Day. We are trying to be healthier and this will force us to find more healthy recipes. Or eat more cheese, either one. Each week we will post the recipe for the coming week, and review that of the previous week.

Before I tell you what we'll be eating this week, let me explain what we did to ourselves before going meat free for *almost* a full month. Friday at work, lunch was catered by Kentucky Greg's BBQ. BBQ chicken, pulled pork and all sorts of sides. So good. Saturday for dinner we had crockpotted French Dip (a roast cooked in french onion soup, beef broth, and beer, served on a toasted bun). Yesterday we had the sister missionaries over for chicken ham thing (chicken tenders wrapped in ham casseroled in sour cream and cream of mushroom soup, served over rice.

Tomorrow we are having tofu peanut & noodle stir fry. I've been experimenting with tofu since we've known this is coming and it's not bad. Wednesday is ziti with sharp cheddar (there's also leaks and other veggies cooked in the sauce). Thursday is fireroasted corn chowder. Friday will be leftovers or maybe burritos. Hopefully there will be some homemade bread to go with that. Our pantry already has some new things in it, something that I like.

Any recipe ideas that you have are welcome and we can tinker with meated recipes. We'll let you know how it goes. And our reward for all this is a Grover's burger. And this time I'll eat the entire thing in one sitting.

V-Day Through the Ages

2011-02-14T19:55:00.003-05:00

This is our twelfth Valentine's Day as a couple. Pretty great, eh? Well, let me tell you about our first and then our most recent V-Day celebrations.

2000-we were engaged, getting married in just over two months. I spent the afternoon at my pre-marriage gyno visit at the BYU health center. This was the only day that worked for me and I wanted to be sure to get on birth control so we didn't end up having a honey moon baby (little did I know at the time what a waste of money birth control was:)

But Husband did take me out to dinner, a double date with one of his engaged roommates, Jeff and his Jeff's fiance Diane. I wish I could say we went to a fancy, expensive restaurant, but, no, we went to the Red Lantern Chinese buffet.

2011-We both forgot to put our rings on after our morning work-outs. So I guess we each spent the day trying to see if we could get picked up. No dice. So we went to dinner. We figured that all the fancy, expensive restaurants would be packed, and we didn't plan ahead and make reservations. So we consulted the yelp and decided on Grover's Club. So, so good. The burgers were just under a pound, add in a basket of fries and onion rings. It looked a lot like this:

It was awesome. Here's to many many more Valentine's Days together.

I love you, Husband!

Favorite Law School Moments

2011-01-16T21:53:00.003-05:00

Regarding a case of a woman suing for having her nude photos published in Hustler instead of Playboy where she intended them to be published:

Female Classmate: "Now I'm not a connoisseur of Porno..."

Thank you Major Dad

2011-01-15T00:53:00.000-05:00

Several months ago I sent out a scientific survey to many of you. This missive was to determine once and for all the most iconic (thank Major Galan) song of the 1990s. As most of you know this decade was the apogee of music, everything since has been derivative tripe. Sadly what none of you knew was that this was not in fact a survey but a test, and you all failed. I'm very disappointed in you.

The correct answer is that there are four iconic songs of the 1990s. One from each of the major genres of music.

For the greatest genre of music in the 1990's--alternative--we have Beck's "Loser". Yes, "Smell's Like Teen Spirit" won the popular vote in my survey/test but this, like America, is not a true democracy. Beck won the electoral college vote (now you know the anger and disappoint I felt in 2000. Eight years of "President" Bush, damn you retired liberal-Jewish Buchanan supporters).

For those of us who couldn't quite say goodbye to our 1980s style mullets fear not, for the iconic Metal/Rock song of the 1990s was none other then the ever terrifying Metallica with the creepiest bedtime prayer in their anthem Enter Sandman. Please note this video finished second in our "holy cow that's the scarriest video I've ever seen" to Black Hole Sun. The melty faces were so scary.

Now for the first time here on this blog, and not for the last says Wife. We'll include a previously ignored branch of music and give it it's full credit. Country music didn't completely, totally suck in the 1990s. It just mostly sucked. And coming in with the least sucky country song of the decade (and thus the genre's most iconic song) we have Garth Brooks, "Friends in Low Places." I'd link the video but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Lastly, representing Hip-hop we have Sir Mix-a-Lot's ode to the gleuteously enhanced, "Baby Got Back". "36-26-36, yeah if she's 5'3" indeed sir. I salute you.

So that's it. Those are the most iconic songs of the decade. There is no argument. So don't bother trying to nay say me. Thus sayeth the First.

Now coolest video of the decade...well that's easy. IT'S SABOTAGE!!!!

For the record this is better if you watch the videos on the blog and don't just poke around on Facebook. Blogging is so 2000s.

Resolve

2011-01-09T13:43:00.002-05:00

[ri-zolv]-verb-to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something)
It is the time of year when many of us make resolutions to improve ourselves or to change things we don't like. I'm not a huge fan of making New Year's resolutions because they always seem to be forgotten by my birthday and I don't like waiting for a calendar change to decide to fix something about myself. I figure I should make the improvements when I notice a problem.

But I do have some goals for 2011, things I'd like to have accomplished by the time 2012 rolls around. So here they are, in no particular order:

1. Run my first marathon. In preparation I plan on running a 15k with Husband in July. I've joined a gym so I can keep myself in some sort of running shape during these snowy months in Buffalo so I don't have to start from scratch when I can run outside again.

2. I'd like to learn to make schnitzel. We both enjoyed it the last time we had it (though this was at Disney World and I swear they could serve dirt as a meal and I would love it if it was at Disney) and I like to cook.

3. I want to have a cleaner house more often. I don't really like cleaning the entire house in a day, and want to spend some of each day tidying up so it doesn't get to the point where I have to spend an entire day cleaning.

4. I want to continue reading and learning. This one is easy for me because I enjoy both of these activities so much. I should probably work on doing this less so #3 can actually get done.

5. Eating better. Husband and I are already much better at this since we simplified our lives and moved to Buffalo. We eat out less so our portion sizes are under much better control and the food we cook is often much better for us that what we'd get at a restaurant anyway.

6. I want to get some photos up on this blog of our finished house before we sold it and of our apartment here in Buffalo, for comparison reasons. I should also quit procrastinating and update my other blog.

There are other things but this is enough sharing for now. Good luck to all of you as you try to become better as well. Here's to an excellent 2011! For now here's a photo from our trip out west last summer.

Found!

2010-10-21T21:15:00.003-04:00

I am still in the process of putting things where they will belong for the next three-ish years and I recently found myself opening up the rubbermaid container in the garage that holds a sleeping bag. As part of the move, it also held my extra purses and cold weather wear. I have been thinking a lot lately about the winter weather wear.

I found an older purse that I haven't used in years and decided to throw it out. I don't know why I didn't decide that 2 1/2 months ago before moving it across the state, but here we are. Before tossing it in the bin, however, here here are some of the treasures I found within:

3 chapsticks (one of which is the one I had with me on our England trip in 2006/7. The smell took me back to Hadrian's Wal;
2 barrettes and 7 hair ties;
Trogor sticker;
a receipt from 2007;
several expired coupons;
a few photos of the Turners in Yellowstone with only three children, Stewart's Wheaties photo, 2 of my brother Nate, Baby Ryan Turner, and Lucinda;
25 cents.

Not a bad haul, I must say. I have not yet decided where to stick Trogdor.

Identifying Characteristics of an Uber-Nerd

2010-09-15T21:50:00.003-04:00

So I am nothing if not a know-it-all. Does anyone disagree? I thought not. So our first day of Constitution Law we're posed with the following question: In what way is the US Constitution revolutionary? Now for most people this becomes a question of individual rights in a time of monarchy and aristocracy. Not for yours truly. Instead I go off on a 3 minute exposition of the question of sovereignty in the Constitution versus the Articles of Confederation (the governing law in the US prior to the Constitution).

Seriously? What sort of nerd knows enough about that to make that the crux of his argument on the revolutionary nature of the Constitution? Perhaps more interesting is the question of why would anyone know that? In any case I've made a Venn diagram describing the class response:

First day of class and I'm already "that guy".

Sleep! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!

2010-09-15T00:53:00.006-04:00

It is almost 1am here, and I just finished my Civil Procedure homework. I have in the last two weeks read more and denser material than I have this year. Two weeks in I have a few insights into myself and the whole law school experience that I thought I'd share.

1. I'm old. It may not seem it to some of our more mature readers, but the average age of my classmates is 24. 24!!! I last saw that almost a decade ago. Further, my age shows itself when I laugh at the professors dated jokes. For example yesterday...well two days ago technically given the late hour...my civil procedure professor showed us a clip of Seinfeld. For me and the 30 year old sitting next to me this was not only perfectly normal but made for nostalgia. I don't think the younglings got it. I mean what's not to get about the Soup Nazi.

2. If a professor doesn't call on you because you've monopolized all the class discussion and taken the class on a tangent that wasn't in the lesson plan it's probably time to put your hand down. Participation points don't count for being the loudest.

3. Sleep deprivation isn't a medical condition it is a way of life (see also the Law School Rule of Caffeine=If you're not caffeinated you're not studying hard enough).

4. If you were to make a pie chart of my Library Usage it would probably look like this:

5. Buffalo is the bastard, inbred, red-headed (no offense to gingers reading this it simply is a list playing on preconceived stereotypes and in no way reflects personal animus against them), child of Canada and the Midwest. On the one hand we can watch Canadian tv here. It's a hoot! They have a parliament and they have this weird temperature system that means if it's 20 it's t-shirt weather. That might just be because their Canadian. On the other hand people call soda, pop. I mean honestly what the crap is that about?

So those are my first impressions. Am I surprised that I'm back in school? Not really, we all knew that it was coming eventually. Will I do well in it? Probably, I always enjoyed being graded (especially when the latter came back favorable to my ego). Will I help you with your will? Not until I pass the bar so don't ask me. Oh and when I do pass it I demand my filthy lucre. I'm not doing this pro bono you cheapskates. :)

Since I'm tired here's a clip from my favorite Simpsons ever:

Our New Life

2010-08-21T18:49:00.003-04:00

As an update, we officially moved to Buffalo on Monday. Spent a night in our new apartment (photos to come eventually, like when all the boxes are empty) and drove back to Albany Tuesday afternoon where we spent the evening with some friends for not the last time. We then spent Wednesday doing a thorough clean on the house so when people come to look at it they will stand in awe at how clean we are and want to buy it. Wednesday evening we drove back to Buffalo.

I still am confused as which to call home, so I use the term interchangeably for both. Technically our home is still in Colonie, until we sell it, but our lives are in Buffalo now. We have internet in Buffalo so maybe that's what makes this home.

We still miss Albany, our home and especially the people, but so far Buffalo is treating us well. We still use the gps to get around, though we do make the occasional trip without it now. The cats seem to love our place in Buffalo and both Husband and I went for a jog around the neighborhood this morning.

Stewart's currently doing homework, which will be the story of his life for the next few years. My official job search begins in earnest on Monday. Tomorrow we attend church here and try to remember how to make new friends. It makes me more than a bit anxious.

As for now I must answer the call of the boxes that still need unpacking.

Testing 1,2. Is this thing on?

2010-07-27T11:53:00.001-04:00

For those of you who think we've abandoned you in your hours of need. For those who think we no longer care to record the minutiae of our daily experiences here in print. For those of you who wonder, "why didn't they take us with them wherever they went?" Fear not. We're alive and well just busy as all hell. Sorry for the profanity but I can't forgo a good rhyme.

In any case we're still around just busy. We'll fill you in with a later post. But if you're feeling particularly churchy, head over to my brother-in-law's blog. You'll find yours truly waxing spiritual or something.

Yellowstone Vacation How I Love You, Let Me Count the Ways

2010-04-27T22:57:00.011-04:00

1. The sheer beauty of the park:

2. The desolation left by the fetid yet beautifully acidic (sometimes base) pools:

3. The happiness from borrowing other people's children (and the satisfaction of teaching them things their parents disapprove of):

5. The surprise of running into old friends (even if last time you saw them they were just out of high school and now they make you feel old...as manifest by the gut and the man-boobs):

6. The majesty of wildlife (especially when it tries to gore foreign made cars)

7. The joy of spending quality time with family you don't usually see (especially staying up to completely unreasonable hours):

8. The ~~shock~~ satisfaction of realizing your sweet sis-in-law is more profane than you:

9. The sweet taste of giving up on your New Year's Resolution and your big screen tv:

10. The totally awesome, fantastically breathtakingly, and amazingly comfortable location we stayed (I call next billiards game):

Can we start our next Yellowstone vacation now?

Emasculation Day 1

2010-04-27T09:16:00.003-04:00

So despite my previous post about the benefits of my current employment situation, I must admit that there are some serious draw backs. First and foremost is the fact that I feel largely impotent and emasculated. I know that this situation is not of my doing intellectually, but there's a psychological component that's incredibly jarring. Suddenly I'm put in a situation where I'm reliant upon Wife to provide for our needs while I struggle to get the house ready for sale. A task for which I'm woefully unprepared.

That said I cannot say that I was unproductive in day 1 of unemployment. I went out for a good jog. I finished sanding all the molding around the windows, and with help of a good friend did the demolition on the kitchen counter tops and sink. Wife seems to think that we're making good progress and well within our time limit to finish everything. I am still more hesitant and fear that I'm not even close to where I need to be. I guess we'll see in two weeks.

Today's tasks:

1. Finish painting the molding on the upstairs windows.
2. Finish installing the new kitchen counter tops/sink
3. Begin painting the stairs (not the stairs themselves but the kick boards)

And here's a video. Yes it's French. Yes it has a fiddle. How can you go wrong with a French rock band that uses a fiddle? I mean honestly.

The Big Newskowski

2010-04-25T15:46:00.005-04:00

Just as Grandpa's death kind of took the blogger out of me last year, our eminent plans rather discombobulated me this year. I apologize that we haven't been more forthcoming. A few of you knew about our plans but the vast majority did not. For those we didn't tell let me apologize.

We've formed so many close friendships over the past 7 years in New York we didn't want to alarm anyone. In addition neither of us wanted our employers to know about this change prematurely. Yet now things have moved to a point where we need to let everyone know. Again please don't be offended if we didn't tell you in person.

First the good news. I was laid off on Friday. Okay that's not great news but it validates the decisions we made last autumn.

As some of you know, in October of last year both Wife and I took the Foreign Service Exam. We had hoped to start a career working with the State Department in the very embassies around the world. Neither of us passed the test. Quite honestly I was a bit shocked as I'd passed the written exam several years ago.

As a result of this failure I did something that most of you thought I should do 8 years ago. I took the LSAT in December. Although I didn't do as well as I would have liked, I did reasonably well. I have thus far been accepted to four of the eleven law schools to which I have applied. I am still waiting on responses from five others.

The net result of this is that Wife and I will be relocating sometime at the beginning of August.

On a personal note, I cannot help but to see the hand of Providence in every action in our lives over the last year leading us to this point. There is no doubt that my fears over my long term career prospects at my now former employer were well founded, and that it was a stroke of inspiration to plan ahead as we have. I have no doubt that we will succeed in the long term. While it is sad to close this very happy chapter in our lives, both wife and I are eternally grateful for all the many people who have enriched our lives over the years.

Oh and if you want to vote in our "Where should Husband go to law school?" poll, please visit our blog directly.

Business in the front

2010-03-27T13:56:00.004-04:00

Ahh the 90s. It was such a simple time. The music was still good (who can forget classic bands and artists like Helmet, Danzig, and Coolio), clothing was modest (there was nothing wrong with wearing 38" waist pants when you had (notice had)a 28" waist if you belt them mid-crack with your boxers showing), and the Internet and email was still novel and interesting. We would entertain ourselves with wholesome forwards and sites like hamsterdance, babydance, and mullet's galore.

Indeed the 90s technology allowed us to rediscover that spectacularly stratifying style of the sexy mullet. Think about it for a moment. Without the Internet would we know to mock those sporting the graceful windflap? Would we understand that sometimes it's okay to have business in the front and party in the back? Would terms like femmimullet be in our lexicon? How we should be grateful for the Netscapes and Usenets of yore!

All of this leads to a moment this afternoon in which Wife turns to me after seeing this ~~car~~ er ~~truck~~ er vehicle and says "party in the back". I introduce to you the El Camino, "The Mullet of Automobiles".

I prefer the classic one though.

In other news everyone go buy our friend Branden's debut album with his band Neon Trees. Here's their first single. (He's the one sporting the awesome Brigham beard, and I prefer this video to the new one they did for the song.)

I used to be cool

2010-03-15T17:32:00.002-04:00

Married people are boring. Ok, maybe not all of us, but most of us are and I enjoy it. A good night for me is reading for a few hours before going to bed at a reasonable hour. I don't really enjoy concerts, with a very few exceptions.

But one thing that almost all married people seem to enjoy is a game night with other married people. Even better if dinner is involved. And when you have similarly aged children who can play together, even better still.

In the early (Provo) days of our marriage we started playing Settlers of Catan, which was ok becuase it was trendy at least among those least of the trendy, the married. Nertz was ok because it tends to get violent.

But in the past year or so we've slowly moved into less trendy, weirder, and yes, nerdier games. Ticket to Ride and Carcasonne were ok. Even Fluxx is alright, unless you pick up the zombie version, then you're maybe one step from seeing zombie movies on opening night (early show so as to not miss a decent bed time, of course).

Then for Christmas I got Husband Munchkin. I told myself that it was for him, but I kind of enjoy it. Maybe it's because he has yet to beat me. Maybe it's because he has turned me into the kind of woman he always wanted, instead of my improving/changing him.

But Friday night marked another rung on my ladder to nerddom, Shadows over Camelot. It's maybe a step away from going to RenFairs. And I enjoyed it enough to play it again last night.

Birthday Extravaganza, continued

2010-02-23T18:09:00.002-05:00

The final part of my birthday week went like this:

Day Six: In Defense of Food by Michael Pollen. The set of three were on sale at amazon so I got all three, in separate packages.

Day Seven: The Spice and Herb Bible by Ian Hemphill. Explains spice by spice, with recipes. Husband made me promise to use it with the final gift...

Day Eight: A Le Creuset pot. I have decided that my next set of cookware will be Le Creuset and my experience with this one has only decided that more. Until then I have to work on destroying my analon set from 9 years ago and saving for the complete set. Maybe that will be what I get for a year without soda, candy and chips.

We had taken Wednesday-Friday off for a trip that got canceled so we just stayed home on Wednesday. On Thursday we headed downstate for a few days. We spent Thursday night at the Copes, catching up and reminiscing about the old days in Provo. I'm so glad they live so relatively close. We also introduced them to banagrams, the game, and I allowed Kendra to school me at nertz because I need some humility in my life. Not much, so we're not playing for a few months.

We got up early Friday and began our day by spending some time in the LDS temple in Manhattan. Possibly the prettiest temple I've been to, at least on the inside.

Then we headed down the street to Whole Foods for lunch and some Raclette cheese. Then up a few blocks for birthday cupcakes, which we took back to the Copes since Kendra's birthday was the day after mine. I went with the red velvet but the oreo, grasshopper and peanut butter cup seemed well received too.

We couldn't stay too long, because we had tickets to see the Nets v. the Raptors that night in New Jersey. Because the Nets are lousy we were able to get seats 14 rows behind a hoop for $15 each. We spent more on parking and food (hotdogs, popcorn, etc). It was the first NBA game either of us had been to that wasn't in Salt Lake, and our first game together.

Saturday we came home and just relaxed. It was an excellent birthday week and trip. Husband did very well and has certainly upped the ante for August.

Birthday Extravaganza 2010-February Edition

2010-02-17T06:26:00.002-05:00

One of the nice things about being childless is that Husband and I spoil each other more than we otherwise would. This is especially true during holidays and birthdays, and as the 31st anniversary of my birth is coming up, he has not disappointed. The gifts began last Friday.

Day One: Richard III dvd starring Gandolph. It is a great adaptation, though I admit that I am not a Shakespeare purist. I still love the Baz Luhman Romeo & Juliet.

Day Two: The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. Because, apparently, I wasn't a picky enough eater before.

Day Three: Star Trek, the new film. Husband wins. I am a nerd. I play Munchkin with him (and win!) But my dad deserves some of the blame since I watched TNG with him growing up.

Day Four: Patty Griffin's latest album, Downtown Church. Not her best album, but I LOVE her version of All Creatures of Our God & King. And I'm hoping that with this new album, she will go on tour again, and maybe end up at Albany's The Egg again.

Day Five: Food Rules by Michael Pollan. I'm telling myself that the muddy buddies I made on Monday don't break Rule #6. Chex, chocolate chips, peanut butter, vanilla and powdered sugar. Five ingredients. And Rule #60 says we can have special occasion foods. My birthday week is a special occasion.

What does the rest of the week hold? We are going away tomorrow and I get to decide what we do. Which may include a giant cupcake on the actual birthday.

Really Canada? Really?

2010-02-13T00:26:00.005-05:00

I, like so many of you, love the Olympics, especially the winter games. There are three main reasons for this love affair. The first two are fairly obvious: 1. Biathlon, 2. Curling. The third reason lies in my inability to perform in any of these sports, well perhaps curling because it's basically shuffle board on ice. During my one foray into any of the winter Olympiad sports I managed to knock my two front teeth out, I was 26 at the time.

Of course having the Winter Olympic games in this hemisphere is fantastic as it minimizes time zone lag which ruins the games in my opinion. Well I'd rather the games be in Lake Placid, I'm sure America's hat, or toque as they'd say, will do a serviceable job hosting the games. Although as Bob Costas was wont to point out tonight, Canada hasn't won a gold in an Olympic games that it's hosted. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

The opening ceremonies were quite nice. I liked the use of color and lighting. Canada's celebration of their indigenous populations was quite moving, especially compared to China dressing up Han Chinese and passing them off as Uighers in the 08 games. I loved the fact that the torches for the relays looked like joints (that was hilarious). I loved the giant glass/ice/plastic totem guys at the beginning. Lastly, I'm not sure what those crazy Newfies were doing with the tap dance fiddle routine but that was AWESOME, as is having a province who's residents you can nickname "Newfies". We don't have anything that cool in the States.

All that said I have four complaints about your ceremony.

1. Bryan Adams! Honestly? Canada doesn't have another male singer good enough to do a duet (oh and that song was horrendous) with Nelly Furtado? I'd take the mmmm...mmmm...mmmm guy over him. Or maybe convince BTO to come out of retirement to back her up, or the Tragically Hip (Canada's greatest band). Anybody's better than the gravelly voiced "All for Love" guy.

2. Beat poetry? Really? I was expecting to see Mike Myers bust out a "Harriett, Harriett" poem. Why not? He's Canadian after all.

3. The torch lighting. Now I'm sure bloggers everywhere are harping on the torch malfunction of 2010. I just want to make one suggestion that would have been much cooler than watching Steve Nash try to figure out where he's supposed to stick his Olympic joint. Here it is. Nash gets the torch, lights a hockey puck filled with whatever crazy gas they use to keep the torches lit. Gretsky skates onto the floor, slapshot into the torch, and VOOMMMMMM! That would have been cool.

4. Lastly, I know it's hard to include all your national treasures, but honestly how could you have forgotten this one:

Remember "keep your stick on the ice."

(If you're on facebook come to the blog to see the vid, it is the punchline after all and me telling you to come here is like explaining Far Side comics to my mother. Yes it's funny she doesn't get it without the explanation, but it's not haha funny.)

(I shouldn't be allowed to post blogs at 1am. I get offensive.)

(Oh wait that's how I am normally)

Expressing my Frenchness

2010-01-11T23:11:00.003-05:00

OKAY I SURRENDER!

The voters have spoken. I have been maligned, vilified, and ridiculed. I remove my assertion that finishing the last 100+ pages of the Omnivore's Dilemma counts as a 2010 read. Like any moderate republican politician standing for election, I respectively concede defeat.

This concession seemed in my best interest as in one week, I not only tried to claim a book that obviously shouldn't count toward my 2010 book tally but I used a dubious loophole to justify my consumption of chips mere days after beginning my abstinence from them (except in now much more carefully elucidated exceptions). That said at least wife and I are now tied for this years reading lists, even though hers was without question a significantly more erudite work. That said she'll probably pad her stats with a few Nancy Drews before the year is out so all's fair.

Oh and no offense meant to the French by the way. I still love you.

Because it's colder than the scary ice lady's castle in Narnia here's a happy warm video that makes me want to move to Hawaii.

If you're reading this on Facebook....well you spend too much time on FB. Get a life and start reading blogs instead...or you could go for a bike ride, whatever.

This is a call to our....fellow crusaders

2010-01-08T22:00:00.001-05:00

I love music. I love to sing along with music. I love the fact that 9 times out of 10 I have no idea what the real words to the song I'm singing actually are. This is especially embarrassing at concerts. Despite the presence of the band and a host of fan boys who fervently believe in the sanctity of lyrical correctness, I belt out my made up lyrics. I find this especially funny when I sing swear words into songs that aren't there. For example please listen to the song below.

This was the Foos first big single. I loved it when it came out back in 1995 and have been singing along to this song ever since. Sadly I only recently learned that the chorus actually runs:

This is a call to all my
Past resignations
It's been too long

And to think of all the years that I spent singing it thusly:

This is a call to my all my,
ass loving nation.
This is a call.

And here I thought Dave Grohl just had a very high opinion of his posterior. No wonder the song didn't make much sense.

I might be forgiven if this was a problem only when I didn't have the words in front of me. Sadly I could have the lyrics right in front of me and I'd still end up making up my own lyrics. This seems to happen all the time at Church, When wife and I will be singing a hymn and I'll look over to see her with a smug look on her face and I'll realize, "Oh I should be on verse 1 not verse 3, and I don't think 'How Great Thou Art' has a chorus 'about my ass loving nation'".

In any case, I bring this up because sometimes things aren't always what they seem. For instance the CIA might have been interested in 2002 as I sat in the Salt Lake airport when Air Force One was landing for the Olympic opening ceremonies and I was reading a book entitled "Jihad". Less likely to get me water-boarded but still interesting is the case of the three books Wife got me for Christmas. They are in order:

1. By The Hand of Mormon: The American scripture that launched a new world religion
2. Mormons & Muslims
3. Holy War: The Crusades and their impact on today's world

Taken individually I wouldn't think twice about any of these but combined I can't help but believe Wife's co-workers (she has her presents delivered to work so I won't peak, she knows me well) thought she was plotting a strange Mormon Crusade. That said, she has been buying a lot of Jell-O lately...

And for those of you reading this through a feed or facebook come to the website so that you can see our cool video and our award winning gwound effects.

And on the Sixth Day...

2010-01-06T17:14:00.003-05:00

As you may know, Husband & I made a joint New Year's resolution, a bet, if you will. For calendar year 2010 no soda, chips or candy. If successful Husband gets a fancy new tv (see previous post). I'm not sure about my reward, maybe a fancy new sewing machine of equal value to the tv. We have debated rules and particulars--pretzels and selzer are ok.

Six days in I get a call. Husband needs a ruling on chips & salsa at a Mexican restaurant. He's not really asking permission, though, as he's already consumed said chips and salsa. It's forgiveness he's looking for.

So this offers me a pretty incredible opportunity. I could just end it all here. No tv. Sorry. But this would not accomplish a whole lot. He'd be back to eating chips and drinking soda by morning.

I figure I have a few options, as follows:

Just forgive him and give him a pass, this once. A good wife would. But that would send the wrong message. Mercy cannot rob justice. Maybe if he'd called BEFORE he ate the chips.
Start reducing the size of the tv he can win.
Allow myself one pass. But I don't want to finish the year with an * with my record. And I'm not that excited about eating a bag of chips or having a soda anyway.
Demand a bribe, a payoff of sorts, something worth more than chips because I'm also giving him the chance to still win the tv. Some ideas are:

Another cat. No, I don't really want a third cat. I would just have to clean more poo, make another annual trip to the vet, and sweep up more cat fur. And then they'd outnumber us. No.
A book or cookbook that I've been coveting. But I can get those for myself anyway. And a cookbook would end up benefiting the cheater.
Flowers. But they will just die or get eaten by one of the existing cats.
Another night of me controlling the remote. I've won this in bets before but never cashed in. I could wait until March Madness I suppose.
Be content with disgracing him on the family blog and call it good.

Any other ideas? Should I just forgive and move past this?

Democracy at work

2010-01-02T10:56:00.003-05:00

Okay here's the problem. Wife and I have this competition going. In calender year 2009 she trounced me in the annual "I can read more books than you" competition. I have no excuses except that I really love DirecTV. This year I refuse to be beaten again so I'm setting up the blog to track the number of books I read, audio books don't count.

That said we're starting the year off with controversy. Wife in her usual efficiency finished her last book of 2009, Benjamin Franklin: An American Life by Walter Isaacson, with a day to spare. Thus allowing her to start the year off with a fresh book.

I however am not as good a planner and so ended the year with about 180 pages left in the book that I'd been reading for the better part of the last six months (I'd read other books while reading this one). I finally finished it today. The book is The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan. It was a fantastic book and I really enjoyed it. The debate as it currently stands is whether or not this book should count toward my 2010 book list. I say because I had over 150 pages left in the book it should count. Wife disagrees. I thus put it to a vote, if you think it should count toward my 2010 total speak now. If you disagree, don't say anything because I don't want to lose.

For those of you reading this on Facebook or through an RSS feed go here to vote. Remember for every person who reads this but doesn't vote, a Unicorn gores a fairy like Tinkerbell and then tramples its broken body singing "Who's your daddy now", while all the barbies with limbs/heads broken off them come back to life to reek vengeance on those who wronged them. So for goodness sakes VOTE! lest the barbie apocalypse destroy us all.

Of Christmas and Resolutions

2009-12-31T16:59:00.004-05:00

2009 was another year...
1. in which we didn't get sent to debtors prison.
2. in which we traveled significantly more than was healthy for our budget.
3. wherein we thought about having a kid and decided to continue saving for a boat.
4. during which time we loved our cats entirely too much.
5. where my bibliophilia overwhelmed my storage space (check this out though, greatest library ever)
6. where I yelled at the idiocy of Politicians, Glen Beck, Fox News, and most sporting referees without investing the time or energy to actually do anything to help change the world
7. where I went way overboard on Christmas and still didn't get Wife the main thing she desired.

2009 was the first year...
1. that Wife and I started running consistently. Including 3 sanctioned road races.
2. that I road tripped with my brother where we were both old enough to drive (we did 2 such trips)
3. that I'd lived with a dog the size of a horse (he started out the size of a raccoon ended the size of a horse)
4. I ate lunch regularly at a truck stop (seriously good fish fry)
5. that I lived on a house boat for a week.

2009 was the last year...
1. I will have talked to my grandpa in this life
2. I will ever go to Bullhead City, Az.
3. I will ever drink soda
4. I will weigh over 200 pounds
5. Wife will have read more books than I.

Resolutions:
1. Don't drink anymore soda, eat anymore chips, eat anymore candy.
-Reward for 12 months obedience=52" of hi-def beauty

2. Read more books than wife and use the blog to keep tally.
3. Blog more often. I know you miss our regular posting. We're sorry.

How was your year? Any resolutions?

On a musical note, if you guys haven't checked out the vblogger "la blogotheque" on YouTube you're missing out. He does these amazing little takeaway shows with some really cool artists. Check out his website. His Arcade Fire session where he put a 10 piece band in an elevator was hilarious. This is one he did with my favorite Quebecois band Malajube. Watch it! Love it!

Take Away Show - FME Sessions - Malajube #1 from Nathanaël Le Scouarnec on Vimeo.

How Do You Get Freshly Squozen Orange Juice in December When You Live in New York?

2009-12-05T09:12:00.003-05:00

Step 1: Win a juicer from a friend in Texas. I think it was my comment that made the robots choose me for said juicer. (I also won a Martha Stewart baking cookbook). Thanks LaYen!

Step 2: Have parents who at least partially live in Florida. Get them to like you enough to send you fruit in December. The guava jelly and key lime fudge are extra bonuses. Thanks parents!

Step 3: Juice the fruit in the juicer after making 64 molasses cookies and some Christmas sugar cookie cutouts, too.

In Memorium Grandpa Carey

2009-11-14T11:24:00.002-05:00

You'll have noticed this year and especially over the course of the last few months that the quality and quantity of blog postings on UsAndCats has declined significantly. While I have no excuse for the dearth of posts during the first half of the year, the problem of the last three months is based entirely on my inability to finish this post.

On July 28 of this year my step-grandfather, Edward Henry Carey Jr. died of an aneurysm. In some ways this was the least and in someways the most shocking thing that could have happened. Regardless of how intellectually prepared for it I was, this was only the second time in my adult I had to face the death of a family member.

For the past ten years, grandpa had been given 72 hours to live at least a half dozen times. In 1999 I flew down from Salt Lake City to Bullhead City, Arizona because he'd been admitted into the ICU and wasn't suppose to make it through the weekend. By time I arrived he was happily smoking a cigarette in his favorite armchair, this being both his favorite hobby and the natural reaction of someone fresh from the ICU.

In 2001 soon after 9-11, another similar call came from my mother to me that I needed to get down there to say my goodbyes. This was followed two days later by a call from my grandparents telling me not to waste my time. It was a good moment for them to make us promise to come down for Christmas, which of course we did driving out of Utah County in the midst of a heavy snow, but that's another story. So it continued, each year we dared the sweltering heat of the Mojave Desert to visit them. Each year finding a frailer grandfather, further and further removed from the man who taught me how to tie my shoe, love computers, and saved my life.

In some ways I think the saddest part of growing old is that age rips from us our self-identity. Even at my age, I look in the mirror and the person looking back isn't me. Each of us is different in our mind's eye: we are thinner, less gray, less wrinkled (did I mention thinner?). The acuteness of this knowledge grew with each visit to my grandparents over the course of the last decade. I knew, and he knew, that the man slowly dying in that recliner was not his truest self.

Yet through the years he was always there in that recliner, and I took for granted that he always would be. The modicum of life that age had left him, seemed to me to be so much preferable than the long parting that death's icy hand represented. When finally he passed, all that remained were a few words wasted on the dead at the funeral, an obituary to encapsulate all his life's travails in a couple paragraphs, and the memories he left behind.

Is this all we are in the end, a few empty words and then an etching on a grave stone? I don't believe it. Our immortality is ensured. Here I don't refer to the death conquest of religion, though I do believe in that as well, but insofar that our lives are intertwined in the great web of humanity. No person lives in isolation of others to the point that their lives are unremarked upon. For good or ill, our actions this day will ripple down through the generations of men and women yet to come.

Sadly to many these platitudes ring hollow, for we live in a culture paralyzed with a fear of death. It is something we hide from ourselves in nursing homes, hospitals, and retirement communities. Like Hamlet before us most of us fear what lies in that "undiscover'd country from whose bourn no traveller returns" (Hamlet Act III, Scene I).

I do not fear for my grandfather however. He was not a religious man by any stretch of any imagination, but he was a good and decent man, who deserves more than a two paragraph obituary. So if you will indulge me, I will over the next few posts be retelling his life in a way more befitting his kindness and generosity. Believe me when I tell you it's a story that is much more fitting a novel (a smutty one at that) than most lives.

Hallelujah - John Cale

The Last Book On Earth

2009-10-23T23:09:00.004-04:00

So we were discussing literature the other night, and Wife posed the question "If you had one book (non-scriptural) and one book only to read for the rest of your life what would it be?"

This is a hard question. I'm not a great reader of fiction as most of you know. College ruined fiction in many ways for me. I spent too much time reading histories and ethnographies. Now I have no idea where to start when I enter the fiction section of Borders. The sheer number of tomes in the fiction section makes me believe that most of them must suck. I can't believe that there are that many quality writers in the world.

In any case if I were to choose just one book to read for the rest of my life, I'd have to choose Watership Down. Now let me explain that this is not the greatest novel of all time nor even my favorite novel. But it seems to me that the inherent optimism of this novel is something I'd need in a world where I only had one book to read.

In any case this whole exercise reminded me of one of the greatest shows of all time. The original Twilight Zone; for those who think I'm referring to a show about vampires, well there's no hope for you. One of the greatest episodes of Rod Serling's masterful program starred Mickey from the Rocky movies. His real name is Burgess Meredith but honestly he'll always be Mickey to me. In any case in the episode "Time Enough at Last," Meredith plays a beaten man who happens to be a book worm. If you have half an hour check it out. After watching it I wonder why television sucks so badly these days, it didn't always.

There was music before I was born

2009-10-09T14:09:00.005-04:00

I think everybody has in their closet that one pair of comfortable jeans to which they are religiously devoted. You know the pair to which I refer. They're usually stained with ketchup or sometimes catsup. Often they're either too big or small, depending on which side of Christmas you find yourself (damn that Christmas fudge). Almost without exception, this pair of jeans has a hole in the crotch or buttock region (your fanny for you non-Brits).

I often treat the Internet like that pair of jeans. Just as I like to wear those comfy jeans every day, I visit the same ten comfy sites every day. So you can imagine how exciting it is when I find a new site that gives me a whole new way to waste time online.

Today my time waster is lala.com. It's like a giant virtual jukebox which seems to have an infinite (well no Zeppelin or Beatles) supply of songs. As my friends Tyler and Ryan and I were discussing just this very week what we would consider the top ten songs (non classical) prior to our birth year (77), this site proved to be an excellent delivery vehicle to prove my list's superiority over theirs. So with no further ado I present to you "Husband's Top 10 Songs that were Almost as Great as the Divine Chorus which Undoubtedly Sounded at my Birth"(or that could have been my mom swearing at the doctor, my memory is fuzzy back that far).

[Note if you're reading this on facebook you should probably come to the blog site as you won't be able to see any of the neat links I loaded from lala. Oh and it helps stroke my ego to see my site visit counter go up. STROKE MY EGO. THE FIRST COMMANDS IT]

10. Black Water-Doobie Brothers

Black Water - The Doobie Broth...

9. House of the Rising Sun-The Animals

House Of The Rising Sun - The ...

8. A Boy Named Sue-Johnny Cash

A Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash

7. Kashmir-Led Zepplin

6. Fortunate Son-CCR

Fortunate Son - Creedence Clea...

5. Purple Haze-Jimmy Hendricks

Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix

4. Helter Skelter-The Beetles

3. Mr Tambourine Man-Bob Dylan

Mr. Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan

2. For What It's Worth-Buffalo Springfield

For What It's Worth - Buffalo ...

1. Paint It Black-The Rolling Stones

Paint It, Black - The Rolling ...

Another meme

2009-09-18T15:11:00.005-04:00

I usually ignore these but la Yen's looked too fun to ignore. Once again proving my susceptibility to peer pressure.

1. If you could escape to anywhere in the world where would it be?
Husband: France. This is a no brainer for me. Although this time I'd spend less time in Paris and more in the country side.
Wife: I guess France because I like to hang out with Husband. But if I got to choose a vacation for once it would probably be anywhere on the Mediterranean.
2. What song do you play when you are by yourself in the car?
Husband: Meatloaf's "I will do anything for love". And I sing it at the top of my lungs.
Wife: I love it when I find a Backstreet Boys or N'Sync song on a satellite radio station. Please don't judge. I don't get much alone time in the car so it doesn't happen much.
3. If you had a night to yourself, and money was no object, what would you do?
Husband: One night. I'd probably go online and buy all my Christmas presents for the year.
Wife: Spend it all in a bookstore.
4. What is your guilty pleasure?
Husband: A homewrecker burrito from Moe's and a night watching Criminal Minds.
Wife: A tub of cream cheese icing and a box of vanilla wafers and a VH1 countdown featuring Backstreet Boys and N'Sync.
5. What is the farthest place you have traveled away from your home?
Husband: Dumfries, Scotland
Wife: Vienna.
6. Last book that you couldn't put down?
Husband: Rough Stone Rolling
Wife: Suite Francaise. Thanks to all who suggested it. It was not a wasted read.
7. When you want to escape into another time, what movie do you watch?
Husband: The Lord of the Rings.
Wife: It doesn't much matter. There's a good chance I'll fall asleep regardless of what I put in.
8. What is your favorite local escape?
Husband: I'm really fond of Thatcher Park
Wife: Target, though that could also be my answer to Q#3.
9. How do you escape on a budget?
Husband: Stay with friends and mooch off their families.
Wife: Totally what he said. Or maybe even my own family.
10. Best food you've ever had while on vacation.
Husband: Cafe Rio, steak burrito cooked enchilada style with the medium sauce.
Wife: Totally what he said. But we usually eat pretty well on vacation.

Dinner at UsAndCats Week of August 29

2009-08-29T15:11:00.001-04:00

For those of you who have visited us, and we all know how lucky those blessed few are to enter these hallowed halls, know that Wife and I may not be anal retentive about cleaning but when it comes to planning our meals in advance we have few rivals.

In an effort to help you all drink deeply from the depths of our awesomeness, and to force us to actually eat what we plan and not just skip meals and go out to eat we're going to start posting our weekly menus along with links to the cookbooks from whence we got the recipes (Amazon should seriously pay us for the traffic). We will at the end of the week post the feedback on each recipe. That said this experiment will probably last two posts before we get sick of it. So with out further ado here's our schedule.

29 August

Phoenicians of Albany

30 August

Starting with Ingredients

Food Network Favorites

31 August

Mexican: Healthy Ways With a Favorite Cuisine

1 September

The Essential Wok Cookbook

2 September

The New Spanish Table

3 September

Since you've been patient here's a classic Pinky and the Brain:

(If you're viewing this on Facebook or through an RSS feed, well you're missing out on the awesomeness of the photos and videos on our blog. Further, your lack of comments on our blog makes me want to gouge out my eyeballs in hopes that pain lessons the emotional trauma you've caused.)

Lost in Translation

2009-08-27T21:40:00.000-04:00

There are certain experiences in life that are common to all humanity. Perhaps the moment that's most common to us all is that moment when you suddenly realize, that your finger nails have crossed the line into weaponry. I'm not sure how this happens but it seems to me that one day my nails will be a perfectly acceptable length, the next day a TSA agent will have me forcibly subdued while another clips them off with hedge trimmers.

For readers outside the US the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) is an American governmental organization created in response to the 9/11 attacks. So far as I can tell its job is to increase sales of ridiculously small hygiene products like mini toothpaste, and to see how many people they can arrest for public nudity by making them take their belts off when passing through security checkpoints. They also ridiculously make you take your shoes off every time you pass through their screening. This makes American airports the only places in the country where you officially can't be "serviced" with your shoes on, at least outside Nevada.

Besides the inevitability of gross fingernails, we all have those moments in our lives where we have out of body experiences and can see as if in hi-def slow-mo ourselves making complete idiots of ourselves. That I have more of these experiences than most, is not a surprise to any of you I'm sure.

Let me share my most recent foot-in-mouth moment with you.

Our summer vacation this year consisted of three day stay in Utah, followed by one day of travel, a week on a house boat in California, and three days in Arizona with the grandparents. Of course on none of these trips did we bring our camera, or if we did I didn't take any photos. Fortunately Coop always takes many photos so check out his favorites here.

So on to my story. The first night on vacation, our buddy Dan, aka Big Dan T, aka Hoss, aka the Prince of Darkness hosted a reunion of our old friends from the apartment complex where Wife and I met. It was a wonderful evening filled with reminiscence and renewing of old friendships. That is until the train wreck that is Me decided to open my mouth.

Now there are many professions that yield themselves to simply adding an -ing to the end of the profession to describe it. This is called in grammar inging. You think of a dancer, it would be perfectly natural to ask a dancer if they are still dancing, a painter if they are still painting, a firefighter if they're still firefighting. Some professions don't lend themselves to this. For example it would be pure madness to ask a professional cowboy if he's still cowboying, a baseballer if he's baseballing or a pimp if he's still pimping. Okay the last one works but hopefully I don't have too many conversations with pimps.

In any case you can see the dilemma I faced in regards to one of Wife's former roommates at the aforementioned event. Now if she was a doctor holding her newborn and I had asked if she was still doctoring, that would be strange. The fact that she's a nurse and I don't know when to shut up made it a comedy of errors that I think everyone thoroughly enjoyed. Honestly who would think I was interrogating her about her lactation practices? Oh right anyone who's spent time with me.

And yet I still tried to talk my way out of it. Until finally I gave way under the weight of my own idiocy.
Good to see old friends again though. We really should do it more than once a decade.

(If you're viewing this on Facebook or through an RSS feed, well you're missing out on the awesomeness of the photos and videos on our blog. Further, your lack of comments on our blog makes me want to gouge out my eyeballs in hopes that pain lessons the emotional trauma you've caused.)

My Top 12 Albums of All Time

2009-08-21T09:42:00.013-04:00

My friend Ryan just started a music review blog. Go visit it minions, it's fantastic.

In honor of his latest post of the eleven greatest albums of all time I will now one up him and do my

Twelve Greatest Albums of all Time: IN 3D
Someone needs to do the 13 greatest now, Tyler/Chiapelli I'm looking in your general direction

These are in no particular order.

R.E.M. --Document
This was my first introduction to R.E.M. before they got strange. The impressive part of this album is its balance. The most recognizable songs are in the middle with "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" and "The One I Love", but this is a well paced album that starts strong with "Finest Worksong" and ends with the very eclectic "Oddfellows Local 151". Easily their finest effort.
Best song-- Finest Worksong

Metallica--The Black Album
Yeah I know, but hear me out. While Metallica's greatest song, One, is not on this album, it is filled with fantastically solid songs. It's one of those cds where each track puts you back to the specific time and place when you first heard it. As our token "hard rock" group in this list, it's worth noting that it just barely beat out Soundgarden's "Superunknown" which is another great album.
Best song-- Wherever I may roam

The Jayhawks--Tomorrow the Green Grass
Any album that opens with the line "Where have all my friends gone, they've all disappeared" just fits the angst of teenage me. And while this may seem to be a purely nostalgia pick for that reason, this is an album filled with wonderful music that defies genre labels. It is for lack of a better description, pure Americana.
Best song-- Blue

U2--Joshua Tree
I went back and forth on this album truthfully. This is one of those albums like Dave Matthews' Under the Table and Dreaming, Bob Marley's Legend, or the Doors Greatest Hits which is unquestionably brilliant but that I can only listen to periodically. That said everyone knows it and it represents the apogee of U2's artistic production and to a large degree has defined their subsequent career.
Best song-- Bullet the Blue Sky

Bob Dylan--Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits
Yes a greatest hits album is a cop out. I know that and you know that, but Dylan is an all time great and this collection is amazing. Look at the track list if you don't believe me. Rainy Day Woman is one of the greatest pro-weed songs ever, Mr. Tambourine man should be learned by every American, and The Times They Are a Changin defined a generation. For my money I'll always take Johnny in the basement mixing up the medecine.
Best song-- Subterranean Homesick Blues

Black Crowes--Shake Your Moneymaker
Yeah I've already had one Americana style band on this list but comparing the Black Crowes to the Jayhawks is a bit like comparing Alice and Chains to Nirvana. Yeah they hit their peaks around the same time, and yeah were loosely in the same "genre" but they're worlds apart in style and content. Alice in Chains was way better than Nirvana by the way but I digress. This album does not have a bad song and has more than you'd think which are toe tappingly fantastic. I rediscovered it not too long ago and was blown away by just how good it still is.
Best song-- Jealous Again

Flogging Molly--Swagger
Now just as I have a love Americana I have a love Celtic Punk. Yes this ranks right next to French rap, and Hindi reggae in the average person's iPod playlist, but I find great satisfaction in the almost desperate optimism of these artists. Flogging Molly is the best of the lot in my humble opinion, and this album is my personal favorite (although the Real McKensies and the Dropkick Murphys are also worth a look).
Best song-- The Worst Day Since Yesterday

Madredeus--Ainda
There are some songs that you hear and you think, yes I could seduce a woman with this song. This is one of those albums and Guitarra is one of those songs. Picture it, a coastal restaurant in Portugal. You're dressed up in the absolute finest clothing. The food is fresh from the sea. The sun is setting over the Atlantic while the moon rises on the eastern horizon. The restaurant is deserted except you and your lover and this band who plays haunting traditional music with a soprano whose vocals blend beautifully with the sound of the sea lapping against the shore....man I need to go to Portugal.
Best song-- Guitarra

Patty Griffin--1000 Kisses
Okay this was a tough one. This is a great album, but it falls into a difficult category for me to like. That category is of course "stuff that can be played at Lilith Fair". Still, Patty Griffin is much more of an artist than many girl power acts and her musical sensibilities range from country to blues to folk. Tomorrow Night exemplifies this diversity.
Best song-- Tomorrow Night

The Shins--Oh Inverted World
What do you get when you have a band who's lyrics you can't understand but who sound like they would be wicked cool if you could? The Shins of course. I have no idea what the guy is singing. I do know that whatever it is, sounds awesome.
Best song-- Caring is Creepy

Weezer-- Weezer (Blue Album)
If the Shins are incomprehensible, Weezer is best comprehended by D&D playing, Ivy league attending, Linux loving, uber-nerds. Which might be why In the Garage, with references to 20-sided dice, is my favorite of their songs off this album.
Best song-- In the Garage

Fleet Foxes--Fleet Foxes
I had to come up with one more album to beat Ryan and so this was my throwaway. I'm not convinced in ten years which of emo-laden fat bearded artists I'll still remember. But since Fleet Foxes was the first that I really grew to love, they're the ones that make the list. Also they have some of the wildest videos. Check this one out...
Best song-- White Winter Hymnal

(If you're viewing this on Facebook or through an RSS feed, well you're missing out on the awesomeness of the photos and videos on our blog. Further, your lack of comments on our blog makes me want to gouge out my eyeballs in hopes that pain lessons the emotional one you've caused.)

Long Awaited Post

2009-07-16T13:06:00.002-04:00

Hey guys,
Having trouble with the RSS feed on Carolyn's blog so figured I'd mention it here as well. I finally published my long awaited post over there. Please note it has PG-13 rating for subject matter.
Me

I Will Run 3.5 Miles and I Will Drive 1000 More

2009-07-16T00:50:00.002-04:00

I am the world's worst liar. Wife can tell if I'm trying to lie to her before I even start (For the record none of these lies are malicious, they are the type designed to protect marriage. You will be able to read more about them in my forthcoming book "What she don't know won't hurt me: how to lie to your wife, save your marriage, and protect your man parts".) For this reason I don't gamble, I won't run for public office, and I certainly confess to any crime for which the police approach me. Actually I'm so afraid they'd pummel me with their batons that I'd confess to assassinating Lincoln. There must be something Freudian about that....

In any case this also means that I don't bluff. Yet twice last month I did bluff and learned my lesson as both were called. Time number one went something like this:

Wife: So I'm doing a 3.5 mile road race with my co-workers, you want to join my team?
Husband (distracted by TV): Sure honey that'd be great.
Wife (Surprised): Great I'll go sign us up (exits)
Husband (suddenly refocused and to Max the cat): Something terrible just happened didn't it?
Max: (Licks himself)

For the record I beat Wife in the race and did it in 36 minutes or so. Wohoo me!

Second bluff:
Brother: So there's a festival in D.C. in a couple weeks where the Offspring are playing (Please note that Brother, despite his advanced years (40) is a huge Offspring fan), if you drive I'll buy the tickets.
Me: Cool let's do it.
Me (aside): He'll never buy the tickets.
Two weeks later.
Brother: Okay I ordered the tickets, what time do you want to leave?
Me: *@#&#(@*!(@

The concert was fun, they gave out free samples of chili. The bands were a bit harder than I'm used to but quite entertaining. Also I did the Albany to DC drive in under 6 hours, Google maps says it should take 6:19! I was quite psyched about that.

The funny part about the concert was that Wife and I had gone down to DC just the week before to celebrate our anniversary. That was a lot of driving. Of course it pails in comparison to our latest trip but more on that when I'm awake. Stupid insomnia.

In the meantime here's some robot chicken to entertain you. Yes it's old but I still think it's funny.

1 AlGore 1:1-10

2009-06-02T09:59:00.001-04:00

1. In the beginning were the tubez. And the tubez were void and without shape. And I went down unto the tubez and connected them one unto the other. And saw that they were good.

2. Yet the tubez were empty with nothing to fill them. And so I poured knowledge of all kinds down into the tubez and lo, beauty and genealogy and lots and lots of nerd stuff.

3. And I saw that the tubez were good.

4. Yet darkness entered the tubez and their links and webiness filled with boobies, lots of boobies. And so I said to the tubez let us fill you with templates and links for all people to post the random mind vomit of their quotidian existence. And let us call this vomitous mass "blogging". And so were born Wordpress and Blogger and their red headed step brothers whose names are long forgotten.

5. And it was good.

6. Yet the darkness crept back into the tubez and corrupted them and said to the vomitous mass. 'Thou art too clean and fertile. Let me lap you out and spew you forth in 144 character segments, and fill you with such trivilaity that no one will be able to cut wind without failing to record it for the masses with such witisisms as "hurricane ike blew from my caboose this morning. smelled like spoiled eggs. man I want eggs".' And the darkness called its evil tweets.

7. And it came to pass that I beheld the tweets and understood the peril of humanity. For verily each tweet consumed a 144 byte corner of the soul in darkness. And I wept and said to the tubez, the darkness shall not consume thee.

8. And it came to pass that I looked upon the tubez and lo I foresaw all humanity united in one site. And I said to this site thou shalt be called Facebook. And thou shalt fight the darkness of the boobies and the tweets and protect the tubez from those who wish to destroy them.

9. And it was good.

10. But lo, I erred and did not perceive that the Darkness was Facebook. And it consumed me, not as the tweets, but in endless kidnapping, mafiawar, and superpoke requests. And lo all my good was undone, but hey this quiz looks interesting....

Yeah I don't know what that was about either, but isn't it nice to have a post from me again? Admit it you missed me. So did Beeker.

The Struggle of Dog and Lawn

2009-05-03T20:26:00.005-04:00

Dogs are not good for lawns. There are several reasons for this which should be discussed specifically in regard to our new canine tenant, Gulliver.

1. Dogs like to dig. As a young lad one of my favorite things to do was to build snow and mud dams as melt ran down the hill of our upstate NY residence. I cannot explain the simple joy of watching the water you've dammed up flood right to the front door of your house although the subsequent parental rebuke, usually with the wooden spoon was less joyous. That said I didn't realize the full digging potential of a bored and mangy mongrel until I went outside for the first time after leasing some floor space to the rug dog. He has and continues to excavate the rear fondation of the UsandCats headquarters. I can only hope he's a pirate dog and searching for buried treasure, YARR! (Pirates would beat ninjas)

2. Dogs poop like every meal comes from a Chinese buffet. Okay perhaps their puppy piles aren't quite as toxic as they would be from a diet of General Tsao's, but they're still not pleasant. Nor are these urban land mines small. I estimate at current defecation levels my lawn will be 60% dog bomb 30% fallen tree limbs 10% dead grass by the end of the summer. Indeed one could say that Gulliver is quite defecatious. One could say that if it was a word.

3. Dogs seem to think that sprinklers are the devil. You remember the classic film The Waterboy? You remember how the protagonists mother sought to alert him to the evils of the world surrounding him by indicating its demonic origins? Well Gulliver too seems to think that sprinklers at the very least are "The Devil". Watch the following images and video for proof.

Out of the Mouth of a 9 year old

2009-04-26T21:28:00.003-04:00

Tonight we had dinner with friends. Mexican. The food, not the friends.

After we ate I used the facilities. Turns out I had to do more than what I had intended when I first went into the bathroom. No problem. I finish, wash up and join the adults in the living room again.

A minute later, their almost 9 year old daughter goes to brush her teeth before bed. We hear her say, "Why does it stink in here?"

The adults almost die of laughter and, in my case, embarrassment. Their daughter is clueless as to what is so funny.

How can we tax it if they're giving it away?

2009-04-17T21:38:00.003-04:00

Unbeknownst to most Americans, many New Yorkers, far too many Albany-ers, every governor we've ever had, and New York City itself, Albany is the capital of New York State. I work downtown and often find myself walking in front of, behind, or around (but never through-I don't feel like going through the equivalent of airport security) the capitol building. Several times each year there will be a rally taking place. My favorite is the annual springtime rally of Bikers Against Child Abuse.

Today, however, was a rally for the legalization of marijuana. I didn't taken any of the flyers offered to me, but I did admire many of the homemade posters adorning the capitol steps. Some of my favorites included:

Hemp is Wealth

New York CAN
Canabis
Action
Network

Don't Encroach on my Roach

And then I saw the sign that said simply, "FREE MARIJUANA." Awesome, I thought, Let's go pick up some of this no-charge pot, come back downtown tomorrow, sell it and put the proceeds in the Forbes Baby Fund (which consists of the pennies in the jar under the microwave and the diapers that Pampers has been occassionally sending me for the past four years).

But it turns out that they were not really giving it away. Apparently marijuana is being held hostage somewhere by someone. Bummer. But I did do some people watching. Dreadlocks and tye dye and panchos, oh my! Before long I found myself repeating in my mind Eric Cartman's mantra of "Damn hippies."

Strangest Video Ever

2009-04-17T13:16:00.002-04:00

If I got offered a job in Europe I would leave without even thinking twice. I would abandon my house. I would abandon my friends and family (except Wife, I'm awful fond of her and she'd kill me if I didn't take her with me). I would abandon my clothes (because let's face it Americans are a decade behind European fashion). I would board the next ship setting sale to the old world. So I guess in this strange fantasy I'd be a nude impoverished stowaway on a trans-Atlantic freighter...

Sorry I just wanted to see how disturbing you found that image. Very disturbing you say? Wife should return to her censorship role on this blog you say? Yeah you're probably right. Sorry about that.

In any case, my Europhilia (my spell check wants to make that necrophilia...I think I'll stop using spell check) lives on because of the over idealized memories of my time in France. (Ah que la France me manque.) The fact that Wife and I are foodies doesn't hurt my love of the old world either. Nor does the fact that the last time we were in France I managed to lose 10 pounds in 10 days hurt our desire to go back. Plus given my current elephantine proportions this weight loss would be very welcome. Though if we stay 200 days would that mean I disappear?

Yes I'm up above 200 again, the Wii fit already calls me obese and asks if I walk into walls you guys don't have to be mean too. Great, now I'm going to have to get some ice cream and turn on the Lifetime Movie network. Thanks a lot. (For more information regarding my mood swings see my upcoming post on Wife's other blog.)

Really what calls me back to the mother land though is quirky videos like this one. (Sorry Astrid but Sweden must be a weird place)

Sloth seems an appropriate follow up to gluttony

2009-03-28T07:20:00.003-04:00

We have these friends, we'll call them the Steves. Nate likes to eat and since Mel is a vegetarian, if meat is involved, even more does he like to eat. Last year Nate invited us to his house for a bbq but instead of buying burgers, he bought a steak and ground it in Mel's juicer. I could not finish this burger. Mel has not since used her juicer. For good reason.

The Steves invited us to dinner last night, along with the Bloods. Less than 2 hours from here is a casino on an Indian res, Turning Stone. Up until now my experience with casinos has involved a nearly annual trip to Laughlin, Nevada, and riding the New York New York roller coaster and eating at an outrageously expensive buffet at the Wynn casino in Vegas. And driving past Turning Stone en route to Buffalo or Syracuse or Palmyra.

The restaurant of choice was Rodizio. I had never had all you can eat meat and the idea was never appealing but I like these friends so we went. The salad bar was ok, nothing spectacular. You could tell that people don't go there for the salad bar, though the sushi was impressive (to look at for me, I don't eat it). Then the meat course started. I didn't even try half of the options but the men made up for their wives small portions. The pork with pineapple glaze was really good and the salmon was excellent. Other than that, though, it didn't knock my socks off. I believe the men all spoke highly of the skirt steak. At least it was restaurant week so the meal was 20% off.

The experience reminded me of my unmarried days when I would come home from classes and find that my boyfriend (now known as Husband) had gone to a Chinese food buffet with his friend Dan and they had each eaten themselves stupid. The idea has never appealed to me. I would make a lousy guy in this regard. And I am not macho.

On the way out we spoke of the possibility of gambling. I had some change that I would gladly throw in a slot machine and enjoy losing while inhaling more second hand smoke that I normally get (thank you New York anti indoor smoking laws). But you can't do that at Turning Stone. You have to put money on a card and then put that card into the slot machines. Sorry, but once you make it more of an effort to lose money I'm out. Instead I invested my money in cheap reservation cigs.

I think Husband is still sleeping off his meat-over. Anybody know of any home remedies for such a thing?

A Boot to the Head and Fingers to Eyes

2009-03-13T15:45:00.005-04:00

I am not a graceful man. Ask anyone who's ever seen me dance, and they will attest to this fact (of course I'm eliminating all those people bit by bit so they best not comment on this blog post). I have the agility of a three legged elephant, the rhythm of a squirrel hopped up on crack, and the response time of a beached whale. Perhaps this is why the Wii Fit keeps asking me if I walk into walls.

This means that I need to be given a wide berth else I run into, trip, or otherwise manhandle and maim you. Sadly the love that Wife bares for me keeps her coming back into the "danger zone", or perhaps it's her adrenaline addiction. In any case this has led through the years to some incidents of what some would call "spousal abuse" but what I would call putting her eye where my elbow was.

Now I do not want to bore you with a reminiscence of the many "concussive episodes" we've had through the years but I did want to tell you about the most recent one. Perhaps in so doing I'll assuage some of the guilt that I feel.

Like many boring or elderly couples we typically go to bed with the sunset and read a few hefty tomes by candle light while listening to the wireless. Finishing our reading Wife rose on the night in quest to extinguish the illumination. Normally she quickly slides into bed after so doing. However our timing was off a bit the other night and instead of gracefully putting my arm around her to hug her good night, I eye-jabbed her three stooges style. I swear it's not my fault though, I'm just clumsy......that said it's been the couch for me every night since.

Since I can't see the Chicago River turn green this year here's a little taste of Ireland for you.

Nobody takes my thunder without a fight

2009-03-07T09:23:00.002-05:00

Not to be outdone by his wife, Husband had to go and roll his ankle at churchball Thursday night. He came home, iced it and made dinner so I thought all would be well and I'd still be the pitiful one. Until he woke up at 5:30 the next morning and barely made it to the medicine cabinet for pain meds. A good wife would have gotten it for him, but I was just upset that he was encroaching on my recovery time with his stupid injury. All I wanted was four days of being taken care of.

He was in such pain that I *made* him go to urgent care before work. Not broken. Take that, Husband. I'm still worse off, even with my easy recovery. The most frustrating part for me was that he hurt his ankle and still played two more games. He should have used that as an excuse to come home and take care of his poor, lonely wife.

I guess its sister-in-law's turn to be the hurt one in the house. I hope she does something exciting.

Book Lists

2009-02-27T21:09:00.004-05:00

My snobbery knows no bounds. I can freely admit this, in fact by so doing I increase my snobbery quotient 110%. Fortunately for me, my douchebaggery has decreased exponentially since marrying Wife (she makes up for my tendency toward douchiness). Now one might think that this is not possible, the standard equation is usually rendered:

Douchebaggery=((Snobbery+Oakley Shades) x Tattoos)²

However recent trends have changed this formula significantly. It can now be rendered as follows:

Douchebaggery=((Truck Nuts+Spoilers on Honda Civic) x Tattoos)²

This is known alternatively as the Dane Cook Quotient or the Uncle Ricco Theorum.

Now why do I bring up my snobbiness you might ask? Well let me tell you. Recently that greatest of time wasters, Facebook has been deluged by a meme purportedly from the BBC telling you that you're smarter than the average person because you've read more than six of these books. Let's ignore the fact that Dan Brown (that loathsome butt boil of the litterary world) made the list, or that Dune almost broke the top 50 (when we all know that was Patrick Stewart's worst movie) or that Jane Austin inexplicably came in at number one on the list (this is a bit like Day's of our Lives being hailed as the greatest TV show of all time). The fact is that it takes you five seconds of googling to realize that this list is complete bilge.

Yes the BBC did a list but it wasn't an editors choice, it was a readers poll and while there are some good reads on there this is hardly a list for an English Lit graduate class. After looking around a bit on the Interwebz I found a list that some more reputable people at the Modern Library had put together of the 100 greatest novels. Sadly I've read only 10 on the reader's list and 5 on the editor's. I think I like the Facebook list better I'd read 28 of those. Does that make me less of a snob?

Now since I haven't added this in awhile here's a new video from Blitzen Trapper. I could listen to this song all day, it's got a cool Dylanesque quality to it. Enjoy. (Oh and if you're reading this on Facebook, link to this actual site because honestly watching my visitor count go up helps stroke my ego and you won't be able to see this vid on FB.)

6 States; 36 Hours; 3 Drivers; 1 Puppy

2009-02-16T19:04:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago, Husband, Sister-in-law and I drove to Solon, Iowa to pick up her puppy. Not the craziest thing I've ever been a part of, but it very easily may be the craziest thing I've ever done without a Cooper involved. Left our house just before 9pm on a Friday night, arrived back home just after 8am the following Sunday. Here's a synopsis of the trip:

New York - this isn't so bad. We've made the drive to Buffalo before. I felt rested and excited for a roadtrip. Some snow but the weather is very good for the last few days of January.

Pennsylvania - the roads here suck. So do the rest stops. I'm glad we're only driving through the smallest part of the state.

Ohio - Realizing that we only live about 7 hours from Kirtland, we should make it a vacation destination or at least drive through during the day and not the middle of the night. Cleveland rocks! This is the song that happened to come on the playlist while we drove through town. I love the lake. Someone else will have to drive back through Cleveland so I can have a look around. And Ohio, your restops? Panera and Starbucks? You're everything PA wasn't.

Indiana - You had me at a speed limit of 70 mph. You just don't get that in New York.

Illinois - Seriously, on a major interstate highway your speed limit is 45? Seriously. And what is this urge to bribe someone?

Across the Mississippi River - Amazing. I love large bodies of water (see Cleveland).

Iowa - I see many fields but none necessarily "of dreams." Cute puppy picked up an hour into Iowa so we turn around. This was around noon or 1pm Saturday.

Illinois - Still 45 mph, eh? Glad Husband is driving.

Indiana - Loving the 70 mph. Somewhere in here the puppy peed on Husband twice. Reason #1 I didn't sit in the backseat with puppy.

Ohio - Cleveland and Kirtland in the middle of the night again, eh? How did I end up driving again? Lots of cops in and around C-land, even a paddywagon and people getting busted for guns, drugs or both. The Kirtland temple needs lights illuminating it. If it was still ours, it would have lights. Did not appreciate the snow blowing across the roads. Ohio, grow some hills so this isn't a problem next time I drive across you.

Pennyslvania - Your roads still suck, as does your snow removal. I know its Erie in the middle of the night but still there are some cars out on the roads. I'm glad I left. I am officially over you.

New York - Home state but still 5 hours from home. Mostly sleep-driving the last hour or so.

We decided that I drove just over half of the total 36 hours and I only slept maybe 3 hours. I had taken off the Friday we left and napped much of the day. I slept from 9am-5pm that Sunday, missed church, but forced myself to stay up for the entire Super Bowl.

This is Gulliver. I love him.

Wife's Day--In Numbers

2009-01-10T21:12:00.002-05:00

7--The time this morning I got up and began my day.

55--Dollars I spent at the grocery store for this week's food.
15--Dollars I spent at the gas pump for a week's worth of fuel. Loving the lower gas prices. How did we ever afford gas at almost $4?

5.25--miles I did on the treadmill.
90--minutes I did on the treadmill.
1--Number of episodes of "Law & Order" and "How Clean is Your House?" while on the treadmill.

2--Times I swept the kitchen floor before mopping it.
7--Fridge shelves I removed and cleaned today. This counts the removable ones in the door.

5--Mustards in the fridge as I cleaned it out today.
2--Bottles of fish sauce in the fridge. I didn't think Husband and I had any, but I doubt that Sister-in-law brought two with her.
3--Bottles of soy sauce in the fridge.

85--Percent of the kitchen that I cleaned today. I did not pull out the oven or fridge to clean behind them. That's a once a year cleaning and I have all of 2009 to do that. And the oven is responsible and cleaned itself last weekend.

90--Percent of the bathroom cleaned by Husband. I did the floor and will do the shower doors. House rule#1-put the toilet seat down after you use it. House rule#2-Husband cleans the toilet because if anyone is missing the bowl, it is not sister-in-law or me. I can say with confidence its not me.

0--Number of naps I took today. This one pains me but there is always tomorrow. I will be so happy for our day of rest. Especially that I don't have to teach and we are going to a friends' place for dinner.

Debt Erradication Made Simple

2009-01-09T22:57:00.007-05:00

Given today's market situation I thought it wise to give a few slices from that infinite pie of wisdom I call my brain (mmm...pie). (This post is primarily for our American audience so foreigners just sit back and enjoy the show) First off for our American readers remember, spending money on high ticket things is a solemn duty to protect and preserve our God given democracy. It doesn't matter that the boat you're buying is made in Ulaanbaatar of Jamaican parts shipped using Chechen smugglers. Your purchase is helping to keep salesman who studied English Lit employed.

Also remember that we're beyond the day and age where skills like: sewing your own clothes, fixing your own car, or cooking your own meals are of any real utility. Remember by not doing things ourselves we're helping others make an honest days wage. Lastly remember that the 50-70 hours you work every week while being only compensated for 40 is a noble rite of passage that you must follow in order to rise to the top of the bourgeois trash heap that is corporate America.

Fortunately for most of us (and you'll know this by any new reporting on obesity in America) we're all roughly the size of small blue whales. Thus we can rely on our natural reserves of blubber to get us through the lean times to come, oh and I think I'm going to cut back on toilet paper, no more than two squares a seating.

Here's a bit of SNL prescience from 2006:

A Nerdsters Paradise

2009-01-03T23:53:00.004-05:00

In 1995 I was exposed to the dulcet sounds of west coast rap for the first time. Having been raised in the oh so rural east my exposure to rap up to that point consisted of House of Pain and little else (I think I remember someone mentioning Dr. Dre but I assumed that was some kind of anti-fungal ointment at the time).You can imagine my surprise however when I learned that not all rap included bagpipes and was performed by Irish Bostonians.

The irony that this knowledge came to me in oh-so-very-white Utah (I'm talking polar bear in a blizzard, white)still makes me laugh. I think I'm supposed to say at this point that "I'm not fronting", but if you look at the demographics of my earliest upbringing and my collegial locale you'll understand that I have know idea what that even means. My introduction to hip-hop had nothing to do with Brigham Young University as an institution, but everything to do with my new apartment and my first glorious exposure to Music Television.

For our younger reading audience I know this might seem a bit confusing. Let me explain. There was a time in the mid-1990s when the organization known as MTV played music videos. These videos they'd squeeze in between episodes of Beavis and Butthead. In case you don't know what music videos are, please check YouTube. If you don't know what Beavis and Butthead is...well you're probably better off.

MTV was a revelation for me. Not only did I get to admire the beauty of the ladies of TLC, but I for the first time was exposed to the hypnotic beats of Tupac's "California Love" amongst others. My infatuation with this new media also explains the 2.8 and 2.1 GPAs that I earned during this first year in the halls of higher learning.

Amongst the many great songs released that year was one by that wonderful "purveyor of beats" and original "gangsta" rapper, Coolio. That's right I'm talking about "Gangsta's Paradise". This anthem describing the suffering of the urban poor ranks right up there with such songs as Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth", The Rolling Stones "Paint it Black", The Boss's "Born in the USA", and the Aquabats' "Captain Hampton & the Midget Pirates" in terms of social consciousness.

I bring this up, because today I experienced paradise. No not a gangsta's, nor a celestial, nor even a pizza paradise. Today I experienced a nerd's paradise. Today we got rid of a bookshelf. This meant one glorious thing for me. I got to reorganize my bookshelves. I went with a dual organization. All the fiction went into Wife's office. All the classics and some of the history went on the custom shelves and the mix of religion and history went on the cheapo Sauder shelves. Of course everything was alphabetized by author and then title. I just hope that someday I have enough books to devise my own Dewey Decimal type system....how's that for anal retentive?

Yen mentioned this song in an earlier comment so here it is. Oh and Christmas was wonderful, Wife made a ham that was out of this world.

Merci mes amis

2008-12-23T12:56:00.000-05:00

Pride is an interesting thing in that it can be both virtue and vice. Pride in family, country, or other accomplishments should be considered virtuous. The stubborn pride of many who look askance at offered help or refuse to lift the burdens of others because they "got where they are on their own" is certainly a vice.

I like most people possess both forms. For example I can't express how proud I am of Wife for finishing her degree while holding down a full-time job and taking care of that incompetent dolt who is her husband.

On the other hand, too often I have insisted on doing things on my own, believing in my infinite wisdom that if the instructions can be found in a book I can do whatever it is that I don't know how to do. Sometimes this stubbornness works out, sometimes I end up with my legs dangling through a hole in the ceiling.

The past few months have proved to be rather Jobian for me. Carpenter ants, broken truck, large expenses to fix the truck, dead dryer, dying car, again broken truck have all played their part to break me. In all of this I've been forced to look to others for help. I just wanted to thank everyone who's gone out of their way to help me. It proves that there are still good people in this world and to paraphrase Bilbo Baggins: "I don't appreciate half of you as well as I ought and I appreciate less than half of you half as well as you deserve". Thanks.

One of those days

2008-12-18T18:58:00.002-05:00

Here is a snippit of a conversation I had with a coworker about 10 minutes before I left for the adventure which was the drive home. The setting is the hallway between our offices.

Laura: FYI-I just replaced the paperclip from the inside of the toilet that keeps it flushing.

Me: You mean that it is a paperclip that keeps our toilet, which is used by several women each day, working.

Laura: Yeah, you didn't know? It rusted and broke into the tank so I replaced it with a new one.

Then we broke out laughing because that is the kind of day it was. The next time we have a problem with one of the toilets at work I am not calling a plumber, but the office supplies store instead.

Most shameful CD ever

2008-12-08T21:40:00.003-05:00

Okay here's the question for my movie viewing readers. How come sometimes you can assemble an amazing cast and have an amazingly awful movie. I submit to you the following cast: Tommy Lee Jones, Nicole Kidman, Val Kilmer, Drew Barrymore, and Jim Carrey. Together this is a very impressive group, a bit odd to be in any movie together but I'll give Carrey credit for what he did in the Truman show and Kilmer will always be my Jim Morrison. Yet somehow combined they produced an unsavory pimple on the forehead of the blushing bride that is moviedom. They were all in that incredibly unforgetable movie, Batman Forever. Now I will give them some of the benefit of the doubt and blame most of that pimple on Chris O'Donnell. It's a wonder they ever had the courage to do the good Batmans that they've done recently.

Now as much as I enjoy belittling movies I don't see enough to post about them very often. I do however listen to music. Since our recent purchase of a new car, yes in this economy and yes we are crazy, I've been listening to a lot more music thanks to the wonderfulness of Satellite radio.

How wonderful is satellite radio you ask? They have a Led Zepplin station!!! And a station entitle "Hair Nation"!!! Honestly I haven't heard Kashmir followed by Damn Yankees on the radio since the 1980s. You might say that's probably a good thing, but if you do say that, I say you're a communist and I think Ted Nungent would back me up with that. Don't make the Nudge mad, he's craaaazy.

To make a short story unnecessarily long, and so as to waste more of your valuable time at work, Wife and I were driving to work the other day and what came on but Seal's Kiss from a Rose, the theme song to aforementioned horrible movie. Sadly I had to confess that not only did I know most of the words but I also owned the cd! Shameful I know. In my defense though it was during my Deep Forest, Enigma, and Rusted Root phase (all horrible bands, don't look them up if you don't know them).

So what was the most shameful cd you ever purchased?

Here's something to get you guys in the Christmas Spirit:

Calling all Bookworms

2008-12-04T07:08:00.002-05:00

I know you're out there. Those of you who would rather read than watch television. Or read while you watch television, whichever.

I am now finding myself with more free time than I remember having in years. Yay! So I come to you all for help. I need suggestions for what to read next. I just finished the Harry Potter series but I don't really know where to go from here. It's been so long since I read for pure pleasure. I'll read just about anything that's written well but my preferences seem to be for historical accounts. I'm currently reading the Mountain Meadows Massacre book that everyone's been talking about. Please don't suggest Twilight. It took me this long to want to pick up the Harry Potter books. But other fiction is welcome.

This will also help Husband if he still needs ideas of what to get me for Christmas. I asked for books but couldn't give too many specifics.

Thanks for the help. Hopefully your suggestions will keep me sufficiently occupied until American Idol starts next month.

She is smart, smarter than me

2008-11-29T08:28:00.002-05:00

Well it's happened and it's my own fault. Years after dropping out of my graduate program, Wife has finished her MBA. Thus passing me in the aggregate degree count, making the current score Wife 2, Husband 1.

Now for most of you married people you understand the trauma I'm going through. For the rest let me explain. For all the talk of loving, honoring, and cherishing your spouse at the wedding, marriage is actually a competition (sometimes war) where both sides vie for dominance over the social contract into which they have bound themselves. Every action taken by either side is designed to score them points on the marriage score card.

For example putting the toilet seat down without being asked is worth 2 points for the average man, for a jerk it could be a 5 point bonus. A wife buying something nice at Victoria Secret could be 10 points for a woman. Or for example sitting down and watching a hockey game with your husband...well that's priceless. You'll notice the scoring system is a bit erratic.

But for Wife to have finished her MBA while I'm merely a bachelor's holder, that's like the head shot with which Ivan Drago took out Apollo Creed (if only I was as cool as Apollo Creed, the man was a legend). I guess it means that I've lost this match.

Congratulations honey! I love you.

Maybe you can figure this one out

2008-11-18T17:39:00.003-05:00

About halfway through the workday today, I happened to look out my window and I saw this:

A car nearly covered in various colors of post-it notes.

I quickly called in several co workers for their opinions as to what it means. We came up with nothing. So I went out and took a photo for posterity's sake. The post-its were all blank and they were simply post-it stuck on the car, no extra tape or anything. After about 15 minutes of gawking from the window and a couple investigatory trips to the car, two dudes show up, get in and drive away. I opened my office window and tried to wave them down so I could ask them what's up with all the post-it notes on their car, but they must not have seen me.

10 Years Ago Today

2008-11-11T13:09:00.007-05:00

I don't know why but we in America seem to like our decimal anniversaries. For some reason turning 20, 30, or 40 is much more exciting than turning 19, 29, or 39. We tend to exaggerate the importance of decades grouping things into the 80s or 90s despite the fact that the music of 1999 (Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera) has more in common with 2000 than it does with 1991 (Van Halen and Guns and Roses (yes I'm ignoring Nirvana, I'm trying to make a point here)).

Marriage and jobs are a little different. For both we tend to look at things in 5s. Probably because surviving a 5 year period for both is surprising in this day and age.

That said I'm giving into the gods of conformity and loudly commemorating the decenium since my return from my mission in Paris. Here's a few classic Me shots from that time. Enjoy.

Why it seems like only yesterday I unloaded my duffle back into this strange apartment of guys with a giant pair of underwear on the wall. Why size 62" waist underwear you might ask? Well thank you for asking. Evidently [Elder] Kevin Johnson's friends sent them to him with the following story.

They were pranksters in their youth and would do things like buy tootsie roles wearing nothing but their skivvies. Evidently one prank involved one of them wearing the above shown undies and while in a grocery store somewhere in rural Utah he and his accomplice got into a "fight" at the cash register. The one wearing the not so tighty whities turned to walk out and the other one grabbed the back elastic band and pulled them up and over the others head. According to the story they heard an old woman in the background say something to the effect of "holy *%& Harold look at that boy's underwear".

I have no idea if the story was true but we wall mounted them none the less. Plus it gave us a place to keep our nerf basketball.

Foodwise I ate pretty well in France. Although sometimes I was lonely for conversation. Oh by the way, when in the Catacombs of Paris don't touch the bones. Seriously they'll totally bust you for it. Plus the owners of the bones will haunt you. Believe me I know.

It's hard to believe that 10 years have passed. What makes it more interesting from a familial level is that it's been ninety years since the Great War ended. My last day in France there were countless parades and decorations. The last few remaining veterans celebrated the commemoration at the Arc de Triomphe. It was that war that caused my paternal great-grandfather to lose his health. I never met him, he died in the 1940s. Yet still having walked the ground that he fought and bled and weezed (mustard gas you know) on, I can't help but think of him on this day. In some ways it's both of our anniversaries today.

Election Results

2008-11-10T18:52:00.002-05:00

And here's the top five things that I've realized since the election ended:

1. CNN has the best news. This has nothing to do with their coverage. In fact it's all because Wife and Sister (the newest edition to the household) have major crushes on Anderson Cooper. And here I was thinking I was the only gray haired man Wife loved.

2. Somebody should tell the right wing commentators that false hope does not good reporting make. Honestly both Pat Buchanen and Bill Bennett were so dead wrong in their false optimism it was sickening. It was funny to watch them squirm as the results came in however.

3. The best news on television is the Daily Show. Hands down. Because they actually report News. Who knew.

4. BBC America should not have Americans covering the election. Honestly I turned it on to hear someone with a cockney accent make the election call not someone who sounds like their from Hoboken. BBC, you're cut.

5. John McCain should have ran his whole campaign with the tone he used in his concession speech. It was the John McCain I loved in 2000. Sadly to get the nomination he sold out to the establishment of the GOP and so could never speak with that tone in this campaign.

That said Obama delivered one of the great acceptance speeches of all time on election night. If he can govern the way he delivers this speech than America will be okay. As I mentioned on Dave's blog I loved the imagery of the "arc of history". Obama paints in this speech a wonderful picture of how he perceives the past and future of America. He points to an America that continues to grow. An America in which all people must play a roll to lift one another's burdens. It is a wonderful vision of a nation united for a common cause and a carrying a common future.

Why I'm Voting for Obama (abbreviated version)

2008-11-04T09:10:00.003-05:00

Because this t-shirt is way trendier than a McCain t-shirt.

Since I live in New York, most of the inquiring looks I get when I wear it are not due to the Obama part (yay blue state!), but rather to the Mormon part. ("Here, in New York? I never knew.")

Why I'm Voting for Obama

2008-11-01T01:20:00.006-04:00

Husband here. So in church on Sunday one of our friends discovered that we were, gasp, democrats (well technically only I am, Wife remains unaffiliated only because I won't let her register as a socialist). We were kind of surprised that our friend hadn't guessed that our political leanings were a bit left of center (if you define center as Ted Kennedy). Now that doesn't make me feel as bad as when people are surprised I'm a church-goer (seriously I've got to work on that mouth of mine).

This experience coupled with a comment from another old friend who found me on Facebook and is as far right as I am left, made me feel like explaining my political philosophy. So without further ado here it is. For those not interested skip to the end, I embedded an Anamaniacs song.

1. Taxation--All taxation is redistributive by definition. The McCain/Palin assertion that Obama's a socialist belies the reality that all taxes have a socialistic element to them. Honestly debating the virtues of +/-3% here and there is hardly sufficient reasoning in my book to favor one candidate over the other. That said I think that politicians should work on reducing government bureaucracy and wastefulness. We need to end no-bid contracts and have complete and total reporting of government funded projects. I do tend to think that we need to err on the side of lower taxes but I like the progressive tax rate. As beneficial as they are to me personally I think we should eliminate some of the tax credits including the mortgage interest tax deduction. It was this deduction that made it necessary from a fudiciary perspective for us to buy a house before we might have been ready and is the cause of much of the subprime crisis today.

1a. That said we also need to have a complete and total rework of our national infrastructure. This is best done with state/regional planning boards over seeing the revitalization of roads/bridges/sewer/power lines/rail/IT infrastructure. Frankly in dark economic times this seems to be a good use of the unemployed. (yeah that's very new deal but our continued economic dominance demands an upgrade in our infrastructure) A national renewal of this sorts would also be a good training ground for college students and we could offer it as a debt forgiveness program for them.

2. Abortion--Abortion as birth control is an unnecessary evil. It is a way for individuals to back out of a condition that is the natural by-product of sex. That said, I view a wholesale outlaw of abortion as even worse. To force a woman who has been raped to carry a child to term, reminding her of the actions of her rapist every day for nine months is something I cannot accept. Given that neither side fully supports my views on this issue I don't use it as a litmus for selecting my candidates. Further, abortion will never be wholly criminalized in America. If Roe vs. Wade was overturned it would simply return the right of abortion regulation back to the states and allow them to make it illegal. Assuredly many would, but I think the majority would not so it's becoming a moot point.

3. Iraq--We should not have invaded Iraq. Iraq was a distraction from the fight against the perpetrators of 9/11 and their Taliban allies. The only compelling argument I saw for the invasion was that once Iraq was neutralized we could draw down our troop levels in Saudi Arabia which were stationed there as a check on the Iraqis. Our troop presence in Saudi Arabia has been a great rallying cry for Islamist movements around the world. That said we have yet to see any substantial reduction in our Saudi force contingent based on our "successes" in Iraq. Further, the Hussein regime itself was viewed as anathema to the militant Islamist movement for many years. We thus need to withdraw from Iraq. Now this does not mean I'm a defeatist, our troops must and should return with their heads held high for their efforts. If McCain thinks a timeline for withdrawal is defeatism...well how does one withdrawal from a war where there is no formal enemy state to offer their surrender.

4. Immigration--Immigration is what makes this country great and should be accepted more readily than it is. For all the talk of Mexicans never learning English, it has been the history of most immigrant communities in US history to preserve their language for the first generation and a half (meaning the second generation is typically bilingual). This is exactly what is happening in Latino households across this country. That said we should work to reduce illegal immigration if for no other reason than that illegal immigration often results in some of the most wicked brutality that man can commit against man. So long as we are the world's best hope for freedom and prosperity, people will come to our shores seeking a better life. That is what they've always done. The best policy to reduce illegal immigration than is to improve conditions in their home countries so people no longer feel the need to immigrate and/or loosen immigration requirements and provide a clear path to citizenship and assimilation.

5. The Environment--Ah Climate Change. Well given my relatively liberal bent thus far you can probably imagine that I'm a left wing-the ice caps are melting-tree hugging-hug a California Condor type....well you're kind of right. I do believe that humanity affects the environment around us. This is basic Newtonian physics, for every action there is a reaction. You dump benzene/PCP/petroleum in a watershed, it is going to have an affect. Thus regardless of the reality of climate change I think we need to be more careful with the stewardship of this planet. God did not give it to us simply to have us strip mine everything we can out of it. Unfortunately too many think that our resources should simply be exploited without concern for the consequences.

5a. Energy policy. This naturally segues to a discussion of energy policy. In the short run a comprehensive energy policy consists of the use of all energy resources. We need to continue using our fossil fuel infrastructure for the time being including oil and natural gas exploration. That said the continued use of what is essentially a 19th century paradigm of development will stagnate our growth in the medium and long term. It is for this reason that we need to augment the fossil fuel infrastructure with increased development of hydro, nuclear, wind, and solar power, with a goal to eliminate our dependence on fossil fuels entirely. Nothing frustrates me more than when I drive through northern Arizona and southern Nevada and I fail to see any development of photovoltaic technology. Honestly no one lives there, it never rains, why has no one put solar plants there? Further, a restructuring of our energy infrastructure where every individual fed back into the grid by placing solar panels on their roof would revolutionize this nation's power supply needs.

6. Electoral/Campaign reform--The current primary system must be abolished. It is a byproduct of the unholy union between big money and the 24 hour news networks (they're already talking about 2012 for the love). Electoral reform should include the following. There should only be six weeks of voting in a given primary season. Iowa and New Hampshire can keep their first in the nation status, voting in consecutive weeks in late June. Following a two week break we will hold four, 12 state primaries. One occurring every two weeks.

These states will be divided demographically with all regions of the nation represented in each 12 group cohort. The primary cycle will thus end at the end of August or the beginning of September. Every four years the 12 state cohorts will move forward one week in the primary voting cycle with the first cohort moving to the last week of that years voting block. Further, I think all states should keep their electoral college votes but distribute the votes in one of two ways. 1. Distribute all votes proportionately to the popular vote cast for the state as a whole. or 2. Votes should be distributed based on the winner of the congressional district. The individual who wins the most districts would get the two additional electoral votes allocated to the state based on their senate seats. Barriers of entry for third parties should be removed but I have no idea how to do that.

7. Gay Marriage--This is a tricky one. Personally the marriage that matters for me is the one sanctioned by my faith. I understand that the state has an interest in marriage as it is the unit that traditionally has provided the most social cohesion. That said I think the delegation of the right to perform marriages to churches is what has put us in the quandary we now find ourselves. If states change the rules of who they'll recognize as married than churches find themselves afraid that they will be prosecuted/persecuted for failing to solemnize marriages they find themselves to be in doctrinal conflict with. I think the best solution is to completely disassociate the two institutions. For the state only recognize marriages made by state agents (justices of the peace, appointed city hall officials, etc.). Churches can do what they want subsequent to the state marriage but church unions will have no force or binding power in the eyes of the state any longer.

Now those are my personal views and subject to change. However more important to me than any of these things is the tone of a candidate. I don't like this McCain because his whole candidacy seems to be about instilling fear of Obama. I didn't like Bush or Gore in 2000 because both of them seemed to feel entitled to the presidency. As if their pseudo-aristocratic background made them far superior to McCain and Bradley whom they defeated in their respective primaries. I disliked Kerry in 2004 precisely because he (and Bush for that matter) lacked any understanding of the life of the common man.

When I listen to Obama speak, I feel that he believes that he has a responsibility to serve this nation and not a right to rule. Quite frankly that feeling of service to your fellow citizens is so novel in American politics he's actually convinced me to abandon third party politics this election.

To finish up I'd just like to give a general note about why I vote Democrat rather than Republican most of the time. It is precisely because of the issue of tone and respect. I've found, especially at Church, that Republicans are much more dismissive and quite frankly disrespectful of my personal political beliefs when they differ from the party dogma. Frankly I've found this troubling and spiritually unsettling. I'm reminded of a scripture where the Lord says that in the last days: "...[Satan shall] rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good." Now I'm not saying that I'm correct on all of my political beliefs but I think that the rage that people feel regarding politics saps the spiritual strength of many on all sides of the political divide. Thanks for listening.

As promised here's some Anamaniacs:

Chanelling our Parents

2008-10-21T21:53:00.001-04:00

There's a recurring theme in the old testament. No it's not the theme of genocidal warfare although that certainly does seem to happen. Nor is it the theme that if you call a prophet bald he'll sic she-bears on you (2 Kings 2:23-4), I love that story. Nor is it the story/theme that sacrificing to Baal always leads to bad things, for some reason Baal worshipping has never been a problem for me. I'm referring to the theme that the sins of the parents will be upon the heads of the children.

Now given that my in-laws and my grandparents read this blog you might think that this is a dangerous beginning to a blog post that will assuredly lead to a Santa-less Christmas. Now normally you'd be right but I'm feeling quite laudatory tonight.

One of my fundamental beliefs in human relations is that we're all the byproducts of our childhood, friends, and acquaintances. The familial relationship is extra important in that it shapes many of your likes, dislikes, and value structures. Now usually for people our age the influence of these familial interactions results in costly therapy for many years. Or if your like me it results in many futile years of cheering for the Boston Red Sox (don't worry honey your Orioles can't be horrible forever).

For us as a married couple this parental influence led to something even more traumatic this year:

WE GARDENED!

Okay given the lack of photographic evidence that we got anything from said garden (and really we didn't thus the lack of photos) I'd hardly call it gardening. But at least we tried right, dad? LeAnn? Anyone? Do you love us now?

Oh well. I guess I'll try therapy like the rest of my peers.

Here's another Matt Costa video.

Some (cyber)space of my own

2008-10-11T22:57:00.005-04:00

I have a new blog, one that may or may not interest you. It is an attempt to make the challenges of infertility and the testing that comes along with it more bearable. Some of you already knew of my broken-ness, others probably assumed something was up. So for anyone who's interested, you can find it here.

Husband here and I'm totally hijacking wife's post without her knowing....hehe shhhhh.

In any case while she's been busy talking about broken body parts that I don't know the location of, I've been moving my theological blog to a new location. The good news with this is that you won't have to deal with any of my boring book reviews here anymore. Isn't that great.

I'm a Lumberjack and I'm okay!

2008-09-29T16:18:00.005-04:00

Have you ever had one of those songs stuck in your head? You know the ones I'm talking about that have two or three catchy lines that repeat themselves ad nauseam until you feel ready to gouge your eyes out with hot pokers and pour lemon juice in the wounds? These are the songs that the artist make knowing full we'll they'll hate the song years later but that it will make them a ton of money in the short run. The songs that your 10-13 year old niece will scream at an ear shattering decibel when it comes on the radio. The most excellent example of this unmitigated evil is of course that diabolical anthem of hate known as "Mmmm Bop". Hansen of course being the triad of evil spawned from the lowest depths of hell to prepare the way for the Anti-Christ herself Hannah Montana (who is the unholy offspring of Satan and Billy Ray Cyrus I'm pretty sure).

Typically, with the exception of C'mon Eilleen and ManaMana, I'm immune to these songs (except for the fact that the aforementioned mmm bop is currently on repeat shuffle in my head). So you can imagine my chagrin Saturday when Monty Python's "I'm a Lumberjack" started replaying itself over and over again in my head. I was left with only one real option...to be that lumberjack.

From Lumberjack

Seriously though cutting down two trees isn't as hard as I thought and not counting my callouses and blisters I have no major injuries. Although I was a bit concerned when one of the branches I was pulling came free and knocked me over, with it on top. I cut it into pieces though just so it knew who was boss.

From Lumberjack

Side note: For some reason I feel a bit bad about cutting down the trees. Granted we have 20 more in my backyard but I feel strangely wasteful.

And I know you were thinking I must link to Monty Python's I'm a Lumberjack, but honestly how could I pass up Tina Fey's outstanding impersonation of Sarah Palin? I can't help but think what people around the world think of us.

Name Them One By ONe

2008-09-26T22:07:00.003-04:00

Today I am grateful for/that...

...I can wear glasses when I don't feel like putting my contacts in. Granted my glasses may not be as cute as Sarah Palin's, but I am not as creepy as her either so, I win.

...sick days. Not mine today, but Husband's so he didn't have to go to work when he's sick.

...Starbucks hot chocolate. On a chilly, rainy New York day, this was a great lunch.

...I still have three Harry Potter books to read. I put so much effort into finishing a book but when I'm done I feel sad to no longer be engrossed in a good read. Fortunately this series currently seems never ending to me. But what shall I read when it does end?

...the computer is far from the tv so while Husband watches the debate I can be on the computer, unaware of the mess that is happening in Mississippi. At least I think that's where it was. I was finishing the fourth Harry Potter when it started so my attentions were elsewhere.

...Babies and puppies. And a ton of photos on the hard drive. Here's one:

Oh Canadia Part Deux

2008-09-24T08:40:00.001-04:00

My favorite columnist from our college newspaper, just wrote a wonderful piece about our neighbors in the great white north. I thought I'd share it. Enjoy.

Ode to Autumn

2008-09-22T18:22:00.001-04:00

The hint of orange and red on the leaves, the cool breezes blowing through the open windows of the house, corn mazes, haunted houses, and the wonderful taste of apple cider donuts all indicate one thing. Summer is over and here comes nirvana.

I am a lover of Autumn and have been since my childhood. The only draw back I saw to autumn as a child was its unnerving to proximity to winter. Winter which meant as a lad, tramping through the snow with five gallon buckets of hot water to water the chickens/rabbits, tramping through the snow to feed the chickens and rabbits, tramping through the snow to give said chicken/rabbits fresh straw and hay to make it through the winter, tramping through the snow to help my dad drag wood down from the forest when we invariably ran out of wood, chopping the aforementioned wood, and of course tramping through the snow with the five gallon buckets of maple sap for syrup distilling....

Now I sound like my grandpa telling me about the depression...wow. Bet most of you can't relate to that.

That said now that the hole in the front of our house (carpenter ants again) is filled in this winter shouldn't be as cold as some of those from my childhood. (We had two plywood sheets up when the remnants of hurricane Gustav came through. Just trying to commiserate with our southern friends)

Here's another cool video suggested by Ty. The line "lady-man-ladies" just cracked me up.

I read the most boring books

2008-09-17T13:58:00.005-04:00

Here's my latest book review. Yeah I know I read boring books. I prefer to think of it as reading a vast variety of boring books. I figure if I'm boring I might as well be boring about a lot of things.

Temple Themes in Christian Worship by Margaret Barker

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
Ah what can I say about Margaret Barker. She's one of my favorite feminist theologians. She's not as skeptical as Elaine Pagels or Bart Ehrman. She's not nearly as wordy as Karen Armstrong. Her world view is much more encompassing than some of the traditional conservative Christian thinkers I've read. I'd describe her theology as pan-christian.

She accepts, more than many, the validity of the non-canonical sources and the reality that what we have as "Christianity" today is merely the victor of the early Christian traditions. She also accepts that all scripture passed through human agents and was subject to human changes. If you have a problem with either of these assumptions than don't bother reading this book because these assumptions provide the paradigmatic backbone of this work.

In Temple Themes, Barker starts off with a bang. Going back to St. Basil and the 3rd Century C.E., she outlines how there were extra-canonical traditions within Christianity. These traditions derived largely, Barker contends, from 1st Temple worship. To show this connection then is Barker's main motivation.

She clearly outlines how the earliest Church Fathers expressed that such traditions existed and more importantly how they could or should not be wrote down. These were the traditions of the mystery worship, which she contends ultimately were the mysteries of the knowledge of God. Culling the non-canonical sources, Barker shows how elements of the pre-Josiah temple appear in places like the Epistle to the Hebrews, the writings of Clement, and the gnostic and Qumran texts. Pulling from the complete extant corpus Barker makes a compelling case that Christianity does not understand itself because it doesn't understand the Temple.

That said Barker runs into a problem that she doesn't readily admit. She is ultimately trying to prove the unknowable. Because Josiah purged the temple, destroyed the Tree of Wisdom, removed the anointing oil, and changed the priesthood, we have little documentary evidence to know what the first temple was and meant. What evidence we do have has come down through the generations in such a convoluted and corrupted form that we can only assume it's accuracy. This allows Barker to cherry pick quotes and traditions that support her argumentation but does not truly provide more than circumstantial evidence. That I tend to think she's right in her interpretation has more to do with my own religious beliefs than with the evidence she presents in this work.

That said, for those who are interested in speculative theology about the sources of Christian worship I highly recommend this work. It was entertaining, if a bit dense in parts. Further, if you've never read her works, Barker never shies from suggesting the most controversial things and this work does not disappoint in that regard. In the end this felt like the culmination of a lifetime of research and writing and was a highly worthwhile addition to my library.

View all my reviews.

New Political Quiz

2008-09-17T13:58:00.004-04:00

Yes I know we haven't posted in forever. Yes I know this really isn't a good quality post. Yes I know that I'm going to burn in hell for all time because of my results on this quiz. Yes I know that you know who I support for the presidency. But honestly if an internet quiz tells me I match up better with one candidate than the other, of course I should vote for him. I mean the internet told me too.

Should I Vote For For President: Obama or McCain?

You match up well with...

Barack Obama - 67 match

While only having served in the United States Senate for about four years, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) has electrified the presidential stage. Earlier this year, Obama defeated the much vaunted Clinton machine in the Democratic primaries, receiving 18 million votes, as Democratic voters flocked to the polls in record numbers. Unlike his opponent, Obama opposed the Iraq war from the start and is running his campaign on the theme of working together to fix the economy, provide affordable health care to all Americans, restoring the nation's moral authority on the world stage, and keeping the lobbyists and special interests out of the White House.

John McCain - 39 match

As a Vietnam war veteran and someone who has a record of bi-partisan work on issues like campaign finance reform and immigration reform, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) has often won praises for his willingness to buck his own party on issues. Unlike his opponent, McCain is a staunch supporter of the war in Iraq, a social conservative who believes that the Supreme Court should overturn a woman's right to an abortion, and fiscal conservative who believes the Bush tax cuts should be made permanent and that corporate tax rates be further lowered.

Take the test.

Babylon AD and other musings

2008-09-01T17:41:00.002-04:00

So Husband and I have seen some movies lately. First we saw The Dark Knight which was especially good. I just saw Batman Begins a few months ago so I was excited to see this one in the theater. I'm sure that just about everyone else has seen this one already so I wont' go into details on that. But Husband was in charge of purchasing the popcorn pre movie while I saved seats, unnecessarily. He got the large. I was eating movie theater popcorn for three days. Mmmm...

But then we both had Friday off in honor of Husband's 31st birthday and we decided to see the new Vin Diesel movie, Babylon AD. Now, I am of the opinion that when a person sits down for a Vin Diesel movie they are promised a few things. A sort of contract with Vin and the movie company. There will be explosions and shootings and more likely than not a shirtless Vin Diesel. And this movie did not disappoint. They even threw in a Hummer v. Land Rover car chase which was just like icing on the Vin Diesel cake. But it was noticeably short on a complete plot. This was not too much of a let down because I do not watch Vin Diesel movies for the plot. But the movie was only an hour and a half long and I (who does not like sitting through movies) could have used another half an hour if it would have clarified the plot some. It was worth the matinee price we paid and when it comes on tv I will watch parts of it again, hoping that the plot is, if not better, then at least more complete. I cannot say it was either good or bad, rather it was just incomplete.

On another matter, this is the sign in front of one of the seedy motels down the street from our house. And to think that I have been going to the Econolodge all this time. La Yen, I think this may go along with Isabel's Papsmears.

Yarr! A Pirates Life for Me.

2008-08-27T01:00:00.002-04:00

I like to think of myself as a pirate. I like to think that I too could pillage my way through the isles of the Caribbean. I like to think that I can handle both a sabre and a small flintlock, I did grow up in the sticks so I have some experience with fire arms. I like to think if I needed to I could bare having my leg amputated with no more anesthetic than a bottle of whiskey and a musket ball to bite down on. Most importantly, I know I'd look good in a puffy shirt and an eye patch (which means I think I could also be a soap star but that's another post entirely).

Now the one thing that I do have going for me is a proclivity toward rather colourful verbosity. Indeed the standard interlocutor might be deceived into assuming that I spent time in a French jail. Why a French and not a Turkish jail you ask? Well it's because I learned to "city-drive", not in the mean streets of New York; my New York mean streets were typically not paved and often booby-trapped with cows. Instead I learned in the very narrow and very crazy streets of France. As a result of dodging maniacs speeding through the Arc de Triomphe, for road rage my cursing reflects the anger of a man who uses cologne as deodorant.

Wife has fought a noble, and one could argue feeble, battle against this propensity. For the most her oft used statement of "they can't hear you" has tended to dull my anger and coarser habits while driving. However sometimes things slip out over which I have little control. I submit to you three scenarios and ask for your opinion on them.

1. Doing dishes you randomly grab a can that is in the sink to be rinsed off for recycling, because you love the earth of course. In so doing you give yourself a nice deep cut that is the flesh wound equivalent of the Grand Canyon. While you're too manly to go for stitches, are you justified in the loud profanity that you're sure your dead grandmother heard in the next county over?

2. During a nice leisurely walk on a Sunday afternoon you stop to help a motorist push start their car. As they speed away you step on a rusty nail the size of the Eiffel Tower which easily passes through the sole of your flip flop and firmly embeds itself into the bridge of your foot. Can you explain away to your wife that you didn't say what she thinks you said?

3. You're in church and one of the teenage boys who's trying to impress the girls by pretending to dunk, runs by and pulls your arm out of its socket. Does your "Son of a ...." in front of 20 youth and the bishop mean you're doomed to hellfire and brimstone?

I guess the moral of the story is that since I already swear like a pirate I might as well get the eye patch.

I've even got the sneer down.

Okay that's a totally old photo but it worked with my overall narrative. Thanks for bearing with me and now I go to bed.

And here's another relatively obscure video for your perusal:

So Contented

2008-08-09T19:44:00.005-04:00

I just finished a wonderful dinner made by Husband of chicken breasts pounded flat, stuffed with a ham/cream cheese filling, rolled and baked. Now I go to watch the Olympics. Plus, I don't have to teach Relief Society tomorrow and I am on break from school so it is completely guilt free loafing. That is all.

Engagged

2008-08-06T00:58:00.002-04:00

Quiz time. We wanted to get the opinion of you, the blog readers, on something of great importance. Our friend and former roommate (guess which one of us), Cami (can't link you because she took her formerly excellent blog offline. That's okay we only hate her a little bit because of it), recently announced her upcoming nuptials. For this we are most excited, but having looked at her incredibly gorgeous ring we are left with several questions relating to engagedness.

1. Should the "question" be a surprise or a previously agreed to arrangement?
2. Should the man pick the ring out on his own or should the woman have a voice in choosing it?
3. If the man opts for a family heirloom engagement ring, can the woman refuse it in favor of her own ring?
4. (for women) If he breaks off the wedding and had given you an heirloom ring can you keep it? What about if it's one that you picked out?
5. If your mother-in-law offers to make you (or your wife) lingerie, are you justified in calling off the wedding?

All these questions will be posted on the side for your vote and we encourage any and all conversation relating to them in our comments section.

In other news. I'm turning old again soon. That's right number 31 is right around the corner and I think it only fitting that wife get me something really nice. So I'd like all our regular readers to petition her to get me this:

It's electric and therefore good for the earth. I'm worth it right?

The Lost Boy Scout

2008-07-27T22:26:00.002-04:00

If he were alive today Norman Rockwell would be arrested as a pedophile. Take the following painting as a prime example to prove my point.

As disturbing as I find the above image, it is not the most disturbing of his paintings. Why would that be you ask? Well that's a great question thank you for asking. First because all of his paintings seem unnaturally happy. Let's face it most people struggle through the drudgery of the daily grind just hoping to get home to watch a little tv, eat a little food (a lot of food in America), and dream about telling their boss exactly where to put their job. NO ONE is as happy as the individuals that Rockwell painted. No one that is, who's not in a cult, a Stepford Wife, or perhaps enjoying the pleasure of hallucinogenic toad mucus.

Secondly, and from my perspective more disturbing, is his plethora of paintings of that greatest of paramilitary cults, that breeder of arsonists, that inculcater of blind patriotic devotion. Yes I speak of the Boy Scouts of America, the greatest evil society this side of Skull and Bones. There's just something about a bunch of adult men and boys in the woods, wearing thigh high khaki shorts that seems very, very wrong.

Now I know that some of our readers are devoted to the Boy Scouts whole heartedly. Good for you guys. For me, I always felt it attracted the type of people who were most likely to be playing Dungeons and Dragons in their parents basement when they turn 40 years old.

Despite this antipathy toward scouting I find myself involved with them if somewhat remotely and certainly reluctantly. Our church has a scout troop, and for good or ill since I'm involved with the youth group I'm involved with the scouts. Please note for future reference people that if someone asks you if you want to help out with teenagers in any capacity whatsoever, the answer is, NO!

In any event I also happen to be the proud owner of a truck. Wife would tell you it's her truck but that's just silly (The truck is about the only manly thing about me, don't take that away from me). Juxtaposing my truck ownership and my scouting affiliation you can guess my primary role. I'm a mule.

Now from what I can understand, scouting involves being one with nature, cherishing it, and then burning it down. At least I think that's the scout law. The job of the scout leaders is to make sure that the boys don't get near the matches. As such we plan activities that will mitigate the fire risk and encourage physical development and outdoorsiness. Thus we came up with the idea of a spring time mountain biking trip.

Picking up the kids and their bikes we (four adults and five gagillion kids) headed up to the "mountains" for what's listed as a pretty strenuous ride. True to description the rocks were jagged, the tree roots were rooty, and this adult at least was out of shape. We spent a great deal of time pushing our bikes around the trail.

Which was fine because it was just a good day to be out in nature....well except for the five hour delay after the bike ride as we waited for the search and rescue helicopter to find the boy scout we lost. In all fairness, we didn't so much lose him as he lost the trail...and hey at least they didn't start anything on fire.

The End of Our Stay-cation

2008-07-23T19:51:00.008-04:00

I use that term tongue-in-cheek. This past weekend marked our fifth of five straight weekends of being away from home. Coupled with being going pretty much the entire Sunday before and after that stretch and we are tired. I would give so much to be home for more than a week at a time. Unfortunately I leave for my week in Syracuse Monday morning. But at least Husband gets to be at home.

So last weekend we spent in the Palmyra area with the Collins from PA and the Coopers from England and the Jakobs from Canada and the Luangraths from Chicago. Eleanor (Megan's sister) and Wes (John and Noelle's friend from Wales) joined us. We saw some of the sights, bar-be-qued and laughed. It had been years since I was at the Grandin Publising House so it was good to go again. Some of us had done most of the other sights in October when we got together. Good times were had by all, sometimes getting a bit out of control. Here are some of the highlights from how I see it, in no particular order and certainly not all-inclusive:

1. Seeing old friends and being reminded, yet again, that we do not have these kinds of friends in New York.
2. Enlarging the group from the usual Collins-Coopers-Forbes, especially since it worked so well. The Luangraths and the Jakobs were a natural fit (and I do not mean that in an offensive way to them:)
3. Sitting around the campfire chatting, even though we were told to keep it quiet.
4. Wes with an entire piping hot salt potato in his mouth.
5. Hearing the Queens' English again, and even some Welsh.
6. Attending the Palmyra Temple.
7. The group of youth in front of us during the Hill Cumorah Pageant reacting all at once with coughs right after John Collins and Husband applied bug spray--and then when they got talked at by their leader for being disruptive.
8. John Collins offending the woman in church--it was John Collins this time and not John Cooper or Husband.
9. Eowyn, Lucy, Konrad, and Anders playing in the rain on Saturday.
10. Colin's and Eowyn's goodbye hug.
11. Realizing, again, how much Husband's 2 year mission to Paris has made him who he is.

I am still exhausted from all the traveling and trying to get the house back in order after weeks of neglect. Those of you we didn't get to see during our trips, I am sorry but we will feel more up to it someday and until then, our door is open to you. Here are some more photos from the trip. Enjoy.

The lot of us at the Hill Cumorah Pageant. I will have to get the better picture taken with Joseph Smith from Wes and when I do I will post it.

Husband with his new best friend, Colin. At least all the kids in the group are cute.

Some of the children playing in the rain.

To the Huddled Masses

2008-07-04T00:43:00.004-04:00

While I often will rant about politics and the state of American culture, I very rarely write about America itself. However, with Memorial Day recently passed, having spent a week with Captain Galan, and today being July 4th, I have been thinking somewhat of my relationship with the country of my birth.

As most of you know I am not a gun toting, flag waving American. You will never catch me wearing an American flag tie to church, not because I'm not patriotic but because I think they're tacky. Nor will I put a flag poll in my front lawn, not because I don't honor the flag but because I could never treat it with due respect and care.

You will however find me standing quietly for the entire national anthem at a sporting event. You will find me solemn and reverent when I visit national historic monuments like those in D.C. My solemnity turns to tears when I walk the grounds where our brave men and women have bled and died in places like Gettysburg, Saratoga, or Normandy. My patriotism is my own, and it is not something that I often flaunt.

However it is something that burns hot when I hear people use the guise of patriotism to justify the ugliest of racisms and bigotries. It infuriates me when people use their patriotism to justify "English Only" initiatives, or to warn of the danger of Muslim immigration, or to belittle others as unpatriotic for not wearing a flag lapel pin.

The ideals that motivate these false patriotic sentiments are not the ones that allowed a Portuguese Sephardic Jewish emigre to pen "The New Colossus" in an era when she herself wouldn't have been considered "white". Yet Emma Lazarus looked forward with the hope implicit in Ellis Island and the immigration booths of New York City when she wrote the immortal words:

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Sailing past that modern colossus my paternal great-grandfather and his parents came to this country. He carried with him the wounds he suffered in the trenches of Picardie and Alcase-Lorraine from shot and gas. He left the land of his fathers to come to America to make a better life.

At the same time but on the other side of the continent, my Mexican ancestors fled the violence of Pancho Villa and the Revolution to settle in California. There they lived, my great grandmother never learning English but raising her children to love their adopted homeland. There my grandfather watched the navy ships come in and out of the harbor and longed for the day when he too could join the navy, enlisting as so many others before he was of age to fight.

This is the story of all people in this nation. I think Barack Obama said it better than I can.

I will never forget that in no other country on Earth is my story even possible....It's a story that hasn't made me the most conventional candidate. But it is a story that has seared into my genetic makeup the idea that this nation is more than the sum of its parts - that out of many, we are truly one.

I am not short-sighted enough to think that these anecdotes justify an attitude of superiority and condescension toward the rest of the world. Nor do I believe that the actions of America are inherently righteous. I cringe when I hear Americans pray for our troops to be blessed but not for peace to reign. Implying in their prayers that God should bless our troops that they'll shoot straighter than our enemies. Do I want our troops to be blessed? Hell yes. But I'd rather they be blessed by being returned to their families and loved ones in safety.

I find it offensive that demagogues, sophists, and fascists have co-opted the language of patriotism and made it proprietary to their political affiliation. They have no right to claim a monopoly on love of country, yet they do, and too often people allow them to do so. Even worse the bombastic rhetoric of these ill-informed hypocrites leaves too many ashamed of their own patriotism. Many fear that they will be associated with the ideas of the lunatic fringe if they, for example play the Marseillaise (wrong country? well it's true in France as well as America).

From a personal perspective, my nationality is an act of God, nature, or biology over which I had no control. I could have just as easily been born in Baghdad, Paris, or Rio as Newport Beach, California. I can derive from this accident of birth no superiority over any other person in any other part of the world. But I can and should be grateful that I live in a nation where I have the opportunity to rise from humble beginnings and make for myself something better. That ultimately is the promise that my immigrant ancestors sought at Ellis Island and it is that promise that makes me proud of my country, despite it's follies.

Disney, Mea Culpa

2008-06-30T23:34:00.000-04:00

Like with most people my childhood experiences framed my prejudices and opinions. And for the most part I was right. Some of these opinions include the following: no matter how often you watch it Ghostbusters is always funny, radishes are the worst vegetables God created, and don't get too attached to your animals because your dad just might make them your next meal.

While the above are true, I was wrong when it came to Disney. I always thought that Michael Eisner would reveal himself to be the anti-Christ, and that Disney's goal was to subvert the world of cinema and create a child army to overthrow the government. In my early year's Disney's only redeeming quality was that their animated heroines were always scantily clad.

How wrong was I! Disneyworld is the greatest place on earth! I know that he told me I was wrong but I still am surprised that Waldo was right. As I'm the "Hobbit" version of him, I should have guessed he was right.

For the record no this was not a staged photo, we just happened to be wearing identical outfits.

By far the best part of the trip was the Tower of Terror...or was it Aerosmith Rockin' Rollercoaster....or was it the Safari? I loved it all, and the German beer-garden was tremendous. Thanks Waldo and Jen.

Here's some more pics:

If only we'd been in costume. Though I don't think the rebel alliance made uniforms to fit my fat butt.

However I could have given the midget in the R2-D2 suit a run for his money

How can you resist that smile. Jooj was very well behaved the entire time she was with us. What a camper.

Not to be out done the Eng kids were equally cute, although I don't think anyone would think any of the children belonged to us.

I guess there are three morals to our trip: 1. It is possible for me to be wrong!!! (I know, right?) 2. Vacationing is best when done with good friends! 3. People think a gringo in a Mexican Wedding Shirt is funny.

And since I'm waxing Latin in my Mexican Wedding Shirt here's a little Buena Vista Social Club.

My Conversion Story

2008-06-25T18:57:00.003-04:00

No, I am not going to get all churchy on all of our readers--I leave that to husband. I'm talking about a whole nother sort of conversion.

The thought of a trip to a Disney park has never appealed to me in the least. I thought I would end up paying a bunch of money to stand in line with other people's whiny children. The food would be expensive and not up to par for my tastes. The rides would not be worth however long I would have to wait before I got a turn. It was for all of these reasons that, though I was excited to see the Galans I was not thrilled that they wanted to meet in Orlando.

Until last Wednesday. I was right about one thing about Disneyworld. We did end up nearly breaking the bank on admission alone, but Jen explained that when at Disney, the dollar is like play money. But I was way wrong about the rest. Because of the fast pass that was available at most rides and the single rider line, the longest I had to wait in line was 1.25 hours for the brand new Toy Story Ride but the talking Mr. Potato head kept up entertained for much of that wait. We went to Animal Kingdom and Epcot on Wednesday and Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom on Thursday. Then we spent Friday at the pool at the condo and Alissa even brought the kids down to join us. My skin is now peeling off my shoulders.

I know that this post is getting close to being as long as some of husband's but here are some of the highlights from the trip as far as I can remember (in no particular order):
1. Seeing old friends who could never be replaced. I don't think we will ever have a social circle as great as the one while we were newly married in Utah.
2. The Eng children calling husband George.
3. Guitar Hero even though I suck and husband is only serviceable at the game.
4. The condo we stayed at, pretty much the greatest way to travel.
5. Going to the Orlando Temple.
6. Reminiscing about the good old days both from growing up times and the days in Provo when we were newly married.
7. Playing the game "Who's checking out Danielle" (the teen the Galans brought to babysit while we went out just the grownups at night.)
8. The fact that husband rode (and enjoyed!) the rides with me--even the fast ones.

We have not taken the photos off the camera yet so you'll have to wait for those.
We're already planning our next trip.

Happy Summer

2008-06-15T23:45:00.005-04:00

Our summer is fixin' to be absolutely crazy so for fear of not being in touch until the fall, here is a little update of recent happenings and what we'll be about over the next six weeks or so.Our most recent set of fosters are now gone. I'm always a little sad and a lot relieved.

We chaperoned a youth temple trip in Palmyra yesterday and now we are known as the cool couple in the ward. This will certainly be an asset and liability in the future. Today we went out the Cooperstown area to visit friends. We leave Tuesday after work for Florida to see the Galans (including their 3 year old daughter we have never met) and the Engs (whose three youngest children we have never met). The weekend after that it is off to Boston to say farewell to John and Mia and boys. For Independence Day we are again going to State College PA for the best hamburgers I have found, EVER. And to see the Collins. The weekend after that we will be in NYC for a Mets game with my folks and to visit the Vogelmans. After that we will spend a weekend in the Palmyra area with friends from the Paris mission, circa 1996-1998.
A week after we get home from that I take off for my annual week in Syracuse.
All this while I am taking a class. Can't wait until I'm done after November.
And we're finally putting the deck on the back of the house. A deck party will be had once we are home enough.
I made my German Chocolate Cake from scratch just a few weeks ago. I will be doing more cooking come December.

The Boston Tea Party's Legacy

2008-05-31T22:29:00.000-04:00

Well after a few days of mourning we made a decision. First let me back up. As I mentioned before, our computer died. We'd been talking about a Mac for awhile. Wife's hesitancy was that once we buy a mac we'd have to "get all kinds of robes and lotions and we'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. We'd have to get new friends. We'd have to get mac friends." Or maybe Seinfeld said that.

The point is that for a variety of reasons, not least of which is price, we've postponed our foray into true yuppiedom and stuck with a PC. My work contact at Dell was even nice enough to express ship it to me so that it only took three days to get here. Coupled with the fact that our friends Matt and Rhianna put up with us for a full night while he saved our hard drive everything is xp-tastic here at UsAndCats. I'm just looking forward to building a gaming machine with Matt one of these days....I'm a geek as the quiz below showed.

83% Geek

While I may be a geek I need proper geek fuel. But I get ahead of myself. As we get into the patriotic season for Americans everywhere, Memorial Day just passed and Independence Day is fast approaching, I thought it important to kick off the season right with a little history lesson.

Yes I know you hate these kinds of posts. Your dislike stems mostly because they're long and rambling and nonsensical...actually if you hated those kinds of posts you wouldn't read this blog.

I cannot help but rejoice in the acts of my patriotic ancestors; my literal ancestors were still for the most back in the old countries. In the mid-1770s the English colonists of the great city of Boston (Go Sox!) decided they'd had enough. Their yearning for freedom to wear big belt buckles and glut themselves on turkey the third Thursday of every November had led themselves to this promised land. Here the rivers ran of honey and delectable animals of the New World forests would veritably throw themselves down the settler's throats they were so easy to catch and eat. It was Eden, Nirvana, Shangri-La.

And of course the English ruined it. It wasn't the taxes that the Bostonians disliked, in fact they love taxes to this day. In fact it was something much simpler but more important. It was that the British ruined this fair land with an insipid grey liquid that they required all Charles River residents to drink every afternoon. Faced with the prospect of drinking the flavor equivalent of used bathwater each noon, the residents rebelled, hurling the filthy stuff into the harbor (interestingly it still hasn't recovered from this early pollution) and drove the British out of the New World.

Because of the noble actions of these patriots today we have the great joy of drinking what can only be described as the height of soft drink engineering....
..
..
..
..

three new flavors of Mountain Dew! MMMM....Geek Fuel!

Okay this whole post was to tease our European Mt. Dew junkies about not being able to drink these new sodas. Sorry guys. Even worse than this post is that we did actually buy all four of these Mt. Dews, my teeth feel like they're rotting as I type.

And now for something completely Canadian...and pertinent.

The Wrath of the Computer Gods

2008-05-26T17:39:00.002-04:00

So I have quite a few posts to catch up on, but I wanted to update you all on why I'm posting from an Ubuntu computer that I stole from work (I didn't really steal it, it was going to be thrown out. I kind of rescued it. And then the machinist and I started experimenting with it and various Linux distros, but I digress.). I write from this computer because our old trusty HP a642n is DEAD! (cue dramatic music).

Now there's a lot of irony with this. For awhile now I've been contemplating buying one of those external hard drives. Finally I found a deal that tickled my fancy at Office Max. Bringing it home I decided this would be a good opportunity to clean my office. It, my office, usually lies in a state of constant disarray, with empty Mountain Dew bottles strewn like flotsam from a flood. Anyway, I disassembled my computer, swept, mopped, and tried unsuccessfully to repair a dead flat panel monitor that I've had for awhile. Once done I went to set my computer back up. I had a bit of trouble with the power strip but didn't think much of it.

Getting everything set back up, I plugged in my computer and went to turn it on to feed my addiction...and nothing. I unplugged it and tried a different outlet....nothing. I noticed when it was plugged in, that the little LED in the back was blinking. I plugged in my trusty old Ubuntu to find out what that meant. It seems that indicates some defective hardware. Now we were in the fun-zone, I could troubleshoot to find out what was dead. I unplugged the power supply to see if it was the power supply that's fried (this was my first and hopeful suspect)...nope the power supply was fine. Next I unplugged the drives. Nope they were good too. Now my two least favorite options remained. The hard disk and the mother board.

If the hard disk was bad than all of our photos, all of our documents, and music (not to mention our forth-coming self-help book "Our Children Won't be Like That: A childless couple's guide to parenthood" (all rights reserved)) would be lost. Not to mention that it would be terribly ironic to have bought an external hard drive to back all those things up and to have fried the hard disk while getting ready to do so. That said the Computer Gods had some pity on me. For it wasn't the hard disk, but the motherboard that was dead. Hurray?

And so we're left with a problem I didn't want. Do I buy a new mother board for a 5 year old computer? Do we update our computer with a 7-year old, but still solid, operating system in Windows XP? Do we brave all of the problems with Windows Vista? Do I embrace my inner nerd to the max and make Wife use a Linux box? or Do I simply go Mac?

Ah the conundrums. I guess the moral of the story is this: Beware of the irony and computer gods getting together, or your motherboard too will get fried at the least opportune time.

We'll miss you our old friend.

R.I.P.
HP a642n
2004-2008

Since the Ubuntu doesn't have any internal speakers and I'm too lazy to hook up our old system here's my muxtape, where's yours?

The First Church of the Internet

2008-05-22T22:56:00.000-04:00

Each morning bleary eyed I arise from my stupor. Each morning I stumble out of bed, invariably kicking my shoes, my cats, my door jam. Each morning Wife and I communicate in grunts. "Ungh" I say with all of the love of the mute that I am. "Ungh" is the grumpy reply.

Wandering through the house trying to focus my myopic eyes I hope that the glass that I grab for my morning orange juice is clean. I have even more hope and prayers that the container I grab from the fridge is O.J. and not chicken broth. Pouring my O-Jo I return to the living quarters. There I set down my O-Jo as a sacrifice and bow myself before my great God, the internet. Thus I begin my day supplicating at the newest idol the earth has seen.

To which prophets of the new computer religion do I adhere you might ask? Well the number of their counting is five.

1...Our blog, just to see if we have friends. We know these exist because we get comments. Evidently we have ten friends.
2...Google Analytics. This way I can see who's stalking us. I know who our friends are based on #1, but I can't for the life of me figure out who our stalkers are from Minnesota. I figure our York, Pa. visits are ex-boyfriends that Wife hasn't told me about.
3...Next I visit my favorite liberally biased news. I need to be told what to think about things that I'm to lazy to research on my own.
4...Google Reader comes next in the pantheon. So that I may see what my friends have posted on their blogs. Also to see if there's anything new on the Fail Blog
5...Lastly I must check the nerd news.

Well now that you know my morning routine here's another 30 rock clip.

And for those not converted to 30 Rock (or out of the States) here's my new favorite Swedish rock band. Yes I know how funny that sounds to our American readers, but seriously this video reminds me of a cross between an Orbit commercial and what an Abba video should have been like. Enjoy Dungen.

----------------
Now playing: Editors - Munich
via FoxyTunes

Wait Wait Guess Who Got Tickets

2008-05-12T22:28:00.002-04:00

We're liberal elitists. If you didn't get that by our rabid support for Barack Obama, or the fact I flaunted for several weeks our "Post-Graduate" blog rating, or by reading our tag line, I'd be surprised. In fact the only thing that separates us from the cloud of smug that lingers over the dreadlocked, latte sipping, Starbucks crowd is my inability to shake the frugality of my Scottish ancestors. If only I could bring myself to shell out the money for a Prius, than I too could join the ranks of the morally superior and look down my nose at the proletariat from my great and spacious building. (Wow did I just mix scripture and Karl Marx? Dare I insinuate that materialism is the great whore of all the earth? I think I just did! Take that Capitalism.)

Moving along, for which you're undoubtedly grateful, we've developed the following quiz. This way you too can know if you're suffering from a raging case of superioritis. Please note European elitism differs in that you have to be part of the landed aristocracy to truly be an elitist, or just French (kidding there, I love the French even if they did drive my ancestors out of their country).

1. Does NPR constitute the majority of your radio listening? (+1). If you are a member (+3)
2. When you get junk mail does it come from the A. Audubon Society, B. World Wildlife Foundation, C. the Sierra Club? (+1 for each) Do you get junk mail from Greenpeace or Planned Parenthood (+3 for each).
3. Do you compost while living in town? (+2)
4. When you buy a wool sweater does it have to be llama hair? (+2)
5. When you think of a "sexy car" does a Prius come to mind? (+4)

and lastly....

6. Have you ever been to see Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, live? +5

Well we have! Yep that's right we got to see the greatest radio show on earth recorded live at the Proctor's Theatre in Schenectady (10 miles from our house). It was awesome!! Of course making jokes about coming to Albany is like shooting fish in a barrel these days (our governor resigned for soliciting prostitution for those of you not in America...it's ironic because he made his career as a prosecutor fighting, you guessed it, prostitution.). Still listen to this week's show, it's great.

Oh and your score totals: 0-3=The Gestapo did their job well in brainwashing you, 4-8=Get ready for dinner with the Rothschild's this evening, I hope your monocle is polished, 9-13=C'mon make up your mind. You can't be middle of road in these quizes that's just boring, try again. 14-21=Ah now you're in flavor country. Make sure to get out your birkenstocks and hemp pants now that it's spring. I'll see you at the May Day celebration. 22+=Comrade.

And here's a "What if The Shawshank Redemption was a comedy" trailer my buddy Tyler did.

Redeeming Shawshank from Tyler Jacobs on Vimeo.

Icons of an Era

2008-05-03T16:40:00.005-04:00

Periodically in American history there are movements that define a generation.

In the early 1800s anti-masonry and the Anti-Mason Party helped alert America to the evils of that band of apron-wearing back-room-deal-making weirdos.

In the 1870s thru the early 1930s it was the Temperance movement. This army of bitter house wives struck a blow for wives everywhere sick of cleaning up their husbands alcohol induced vomit. This poorly aimed vomit proved, coincidently, that one can't puke in a chamber pot when sloshed.

TV forever transformed the homes and communities of America. Instead of meeting at taverns to discuss things while getting hammered, American men now met to watch sports (in which they could not participate because of their ever expanding waste lines due to watching sports instead of playing) while imbibing of the devil's brew. Concurrently with this trend the poodle skirt and leather jacket manufacturers of America created a movement based on bad musicals set in NYC. This proved the first and most important maxim of American manufacturing. "Get kids to want it and they'll pester the parents into buying it". This maxim has effectively created our society of conspicuous consumption.

Fast forward to the 1990s and a new movement appeared. This movement was not only paradoxical in name but represented the apogee of American cultural life. This was the movement of the "do-nothing generation". A generational swath of time wasting, ambitionless people, lazed about the land at Starbucks and Borders, discussing the difficulties of their sex lives and Nietzsche (and hopefully not how the two meshed).

This high point in American society was embodied in the greatest program in television history. Yes, I speak of Seinfeld.

From feeding Beefarino to a Handsome Cab horse, to the Soup Nazi. From stomping on a flaming Puerto Rican flag to getting beat up by a large group of....well queens....for not wearing the AIDS ribbon. Seinfeld encapsulated in a half hour every week the life of every lazy 20-something still living in their parents' basement. Seinfeld was their life story, and thus the greatest of all television series.

And yet....

Dare I suggest it...

Dare I say it....

30 Rock is better!

Eight Years Ago Today...

2008-04-28T17:31:00.003-04:00

Here's some of the happenings from April 28, 2000:

It was the day before my younger brother Nathan's baptism
My older brother, Roy David, had brought his wife and infant daughter to PA
My grandfather and an aunt on my mom's side were visiting PA, too
I met my then future in-laws (ok, so I had actually met dad-in-law and brother-in-law & family the night before) as well as Stewart's mission buddy Eric
Standing outside the Washington DC temple, I listened to my mom tell me that I could still back out, but I didn't and
I married a great man who turned out to be absolutely perfect for me.

It's been wonderful ever since. For this anniversary I got Stewart something he probably never thought he'd get from me--me doing yardwork. I volunteered my efforts this past weekend and did it without complaining and together we ended up with eleven bags of lawn clippings. See, I must love him to do that.
We also got each other hydration packs for hiking and such and we're going to Montreal again in a few weeks. We learned that we need to wait until the foliage blooms up there before we vacation up north.

Peer Pressure and Spousal Heart Attacks

2008-04-24T01:13:00.000-04:00

For most of my life I have been a wimp when it comes to peer pressure. I remember quite distinctly the time when I was in high school and my best friend dared me to do the "Moo Challenge". This consists of drinking a gallon of milk in an hour.

Given that the average human stomach holds two to four liters of food and that one gallon of liquid is roughly equivalent to four liters of food, you can imagine the difficult position I found myself in. If I was a morbidly obese individual (I'm close but not quite there despite my best efforts) I'd be maxing out my stomach capacity in this challenge. Now at the time I was still a lithe (yes that's right Waldo I was skinny once thank you very much) 130 lbs. Needless to say my body did not appreciate this challenge in the slightest, as demonstrated the fact that I didn't get off the porcelain thrown for several hours afterward..

As this example demonstrates food is for me the ultimate form of peer pressure. For some reason temptations like "The Moo Challenge", "The Pound Challenge", or "The Molleroff" always appeal to me and I'm always cave when faced with these temptations. Let me now talk a bit of the last of these temptations as the first I've explained and the second is self-explanatory.

My time in France was supposedly spent proselyting to spread the Good Word. That said as I was 19-21 during this sojourn I had plenty of time to be a complete moron, as are most 19-21 year old men. Perhaps because of our moronic nature, there's an inevitability when men of this age live together. That is the inevitability of hazing.

Fortunately this hazing is nothing like what college freshmen go through. We were missionaries after all. No, this hazing took a much more benign form. It was known as the Molleroff.

Where did the Molleroff began? None can now say. Its origins are shrouded in the type of mystery usually associated with the Illuminati and the Knights Templar. This probably means that Dan Brown knows the answer but I don't. I do know that the challenge consisted of eating 50 cookies which were coated with chocolate on one side (of course you had to eat them cookie side down, can't spare your tongue at all). As relief during this cookie eating ordeal you had to drink one liter of boxed UHT milk. For those of you unfamiliar with UHT milk, well consider yourselves lucky. It's among the grossest stuff on earth. Having grown up in dairy country I could never get over the fact that this milk could be kept on the counter, in the pantry, or anywhere else until you open it. Milk should be refrigerated, end of story.

In any case, this delectable combination of tongue shredding, stomach expanding cookies and barely palatable milk had to be consumed within one hour and held down for another in order to join the fraternity of Molleroff champions. Missionaries bragged of ridiculous times they achieved in completing the challenge. One told me of finishing it in 8 minutes. I highly doubt it somehow.

Personally, my stomach is not built for this sort of thing, the end result of my Molleroff attempt was not pretty. Oh and our mixing bowl was never quite the same...

Since this unfortunate incident I've vowed not to be swayed by the temptations of others, when it comes to food at least. I will make an exception for the gluttony relating to Chinese buffets (it's a waste of money to only eat one plate!) but by and large I've been good at resisting culinary peer pressure. Indeed, more recently I've found that it's quite enjoyable to exercise peer pressure on others. Especially those who live on that euphoric mixture of adrenaline and Mountain Dew.

It is for this reason that I love our friend John. He does the things that I'm too scared, chicken, or sane to do. I'd be willing to bet that nothing in his life has ever scared him. The fact that his wife hates these sort of things only adds to my joy. Of course him encouraging Wife to do things like skydiving is a drawback, but the reality is that she doesn't need much encouragement to do those sort of things. Something tells me she gets that from her father; I think it was his show of excitement when we told him about her skydiving that clued me in.

In any case our latest adventure with the Coopers wasn't the most dangerous ever, but we did enjoy a lovely picturesque day in Bryce Canyon National Park. That said John's broken hand left him slightly gimpy. So his wife was none to pleased when I pointed out this formation on a cliff face that looked just like the butt groove on a couch and suggested it would make for an outstanding picture. Her displeasure stemmed from the fact that to get to said butt groove, John had to cross about 100 yards of loose avalanche debris which lay at a 60 degree pitch. John of course seeing a great photo opportunity forged across the debris and gave us a wonderful constipated sneer that our children will treasure when they look at our early family vacation photos.

How it is nice to peer pressure someone else. Speaking of which check out this photo of Wife. It's one of my all time favorites (oh I should add that there should probably be a parental advisory notice at this point)

And of course here's the rest to peruse.

Bryce Canyon

Video of the Day: As it's primary season for those of us stateside I thought a little primer in American electoral politics would do us all good.

A Redneck in the Big Apple

2008-04-20T21:51:00.005-04:00

I like to think of myself as well rounded. I enjoy multiple genres of music. I've read plays. I'll watch foreign films. I even enjoy playing soccer and watching rugby. I've traveled abroad and have sampled, relished, and gorged myself on multiple culinary experiences. For someone coming from backwoods NY, I consider myself very cosmopolitan, urbane, and well adjusted.

Now art and I go way back (and I'm not referring to the eccentric guy named Art in my church congregation when I was youth...that guy was just plain crazy). During my sojourn in Paris I spent many happy hours in the Musee d'Orsay, the Louvre, and the Rodin museum. That said all of those share the commonality of not having anything in their collection post-1900.

(Although the Musee D'Orsay did have a bit exhibit "The Last Portrait" last time I was back there that had some stuff from the 20th century. It was a fascinating study of death masks, death portraits and death photography. For more info check out their website.

Camille on her Death Bed- Claude Monet

Now wasn't that the longest parenthetical ever? Knowing me it probably wasn't.)

With this culturally whetted pallet, Wife and I were eager to make our trip to NYC to see our friend Julie's short film mocking documentaries. We were not disappointed. Using film archives of a plethora of documentaries she cut them to make it sound like the main historians were having a sordid love affair. It was highly entertaining and goes to prove that history is always relative. At least that's what I'm getting out of it, she can correct me if I'm wrong. Alternatively her lawyers can send me a cease and desist order telling me to remove all descriptions of her content, I'll put it next to the one from Major League Baseball (Express written consent indeed!).

Besides her film there were a number of other compelling pieces on display. There was a short film about a man nailed to the floor of a box that was obviously flipping over and over. It was quite entertaining. There was a film/photo project of a man that built his own island, and who says that no man is an island. I especially found the photo of the brothers in a trench in Iraq very compelling. There were some very cool mixed media pieces too.

That said there were others that appealed to me significantly less. The exhibit of the woman trapped in the box was disturbing in all the wrong sort of ways. Even worse than that was the live action version of Manet's (sorry for those who I told it was Courbet. In my defense they both did pretty explicit work) Dejeuner sur l'Herbe. I can honestly say I didn't think it possible to offended even sensibilities but I was proven quite wrong. Remember I'm the man who specializes in offending others and still has absolutely no inner monologue.

That said I did learn something though about that painting. Evidently Bow Wow Wow did a photographic reinterpretation using the band as the people in the painting for their 1981 album which gave us that all time classic I want Candy. This of course is scandalous because the lead singer was 15 at the time and nude in the photo. Her mother turned her in to Scotland Yard.

All in all though it was an enjoyable day spent in the city. After all where else in the world do you get to see a friend's juried film, eat a deep-fried candy bar, and watch your wife flirt her way out of a ticket? Maybe we'll update our next weekend's trip soon too.

Which leads us to the video of the day. I really don't want to subject any of you to a Bow Wow Wow song, so here's another great Muppet's music video.

Why expand the culinary palette

2008-04-14T19:40:00.006-04:00

There are three main food groups in America. These groups go by the names of their originating locale:

1. Carny food. Characterized by lots of oil, mostly boiled. This group produced corn dogs, curly fries and deep fried twinkies. Of course the king of this food group is the legendary hot dog. Deep fried if you can find it.

2. Convenience food. This is the sub-group made famous by the convenience store though it is equally at home in the freezer isle and check out line of most stores. The apogee of this food group is the frozen burrito. Though this is a dish best known for its tendency to be tasted twice. Of course if you can combine this group with group one as in the above picture you might achieve Nirvana.

3. Cafe Rio and Mountain Dew. Okay this may not really be the 3rd food group, but it should be. What a wonderful place is Cafe Rio. It's just sad that I only ate there twice while in Utah last week. Oh how I pine for that place. That said the joy of Mountain Dew is ever present when traveling with Mr. John Ford Cooper. Ah what sweet wonder that stuff is. I think I should try to make Dew pops one of these days...

And now for one of the greatest songs ever:

I fought the law and the law won

2008-03-31T15:45:00.000-04:00

As some of you may know, when traveling on the highway, my foot is often made of lead. I have caught myself going 90 on our way to Boston. I don't consciously try to break the law so badly, I just don't like to be behind other drivers. That, and I love the feel to power of our seven year old Hyundai. There have been a handful of times when I have zoomed past a state police car, feeling sure that they just clocked me going 80-something but they never pulled me over. Until Saturday. We were making our way to NYC to attend an art show that included the film of a friend of ours. I was driving so husband could finish his book for his bookclub. I wasn't really paying attention to my speed and I don't think I was going that much faster than other drives, but at this one instance I was traveling at 81 mph in a 65 zone. As I drove past the turn around and noticed the cop I had the same feeling in my stomach that I had finally been caught. When I noticed that I was only going 80 or so I felt better. I mean, I wouldn't get pulled over for going only 80, right. Surely they would wait until I reached the 90 mph point.

Then the lights started flashing, urging me to pull over. I had never had to do that. I didn't know if there were any special rules for when you get pulled over. Husband sat quietly, turned off the ipod and pulled the registration from the glove box. The officer asked if there was any particular reason I was going 81 in a 65 mph zone. I had control of my mouth enough not to say, "Because I had just had to slow down due to the heavier traffic. They really need to do something about that so this doesn't happen again" and instead said something about just moving along with traffic. He took my license and registration and went back to his car, presumably to check for outstanding warrants. He came back without too much delay and asked me to do him a favor and slow down. Which I did. So since I did him this favor and slowed down, does that mean that there is now a state patrolman in Westchester county who owes me a favor?

The City was good. We'll add some photos later, but for now is sufficeth me to say that I had a deep fried mars bar (much like a milky way) for lunch, and Magnolia's cupcakes for dessert. Even a ticket couldn't have ruined a day that included such goodies.

Who's With Me?

2008-03-26T07:22:00.002-04:00

This week's dream--cooking school in Mexico. I like to cook and since I am working on perfecting my corn tortillas I think I'm ready to enroll. Maybe a trip to Oaxaca where I can take a few days' worth of lessons. And get in touch with my ancestors-in-law.

I have tossed the idea around and the most usual response is disbelief that I would want to go to Mexico. People say that I won't even be able to drink the water there so why would I want to cook with it? I just tell them that I've drunk water from the Green River in southern Utah and I was fine. Lost 10 pounds overnight but no lingering affects.

So that's where I'm leaning to celebrate the big 3-0.

Cafe Rio a la Matt

2008-03-24T21:22:00.002-04:00

Okay so we've held out on you guys for far too long. Well that's not entirely true if you checked out our recipe team's blog you would have had these recipes a long time ago. But since most of you don't follow are every move like you should you haven't had these recipes. So, without much further ado I give you Cafe Rio-lite recipes (with all credit to Matt who first posted them yadayadayada, except for the flour tortilla recipe which is a family trademark (all rights reserved) and my only tie to my ancestral Mexican roots (happily my new found Finnish culinary roots are completely absent from my pallet)).

Monty's Flour Tortillas
3 Cups Flour
1 Tsp (or so) Salt
1 Tsp (or so) Baking Powder
2 Tbsp (golf ball sized) soft butter
1/4 Cup Oil (I prefer olive but some find the taste too strong)
1 Cup Warm Water

Mix the dry ingredients together. Cut in the butter so that it's thoroughly mixed. Add oil and mix well (flour mixture should be a little clumpy at this point). Add water mix thoroughly into dough. Knead thoroughly and let rest for 10 minutes. Divide dough into golf ball size pieces and roll out as thin as desired. Please note that they'll never be perfectly round. Cook on high heat on a cast iron griddle (crepe or other flat pan will work if necessary). Flip when tortilla begins to bubble (10-20 seconds). Remove soon after flipping. Stack on top of each other and cover with towel to keep moist.

I have to admit that while this is loosely based on my great-grandma Alvina's recipe (such a cool name) it was modified by my friend Karla. I find the modifications make it a bit lighter. Also I'm glad that I don't have to cook with lard in this version.

Mexican Chicken
5 lbs chicken breast, boneless, skinless
1 sm bottle zesty italian dressing
1 T chili powder
1 T cumin
3 cloves garlic, minced

Mix all ingred together in a large crock pot. Cook on high for 5-7 hours. Remove chicken and shred. Reserve a small amount of juice and pour over shredded chicken. Keep warm.

I love this recipe. It's the only way that Wife and I will eat Mexican Chicken at this point and is absolutely wonderful cooked enchilada style!

Mexican Pork
3.5 lbs pork roast
1 bottle taco sauce (8 oz)
1 T cumin
1 C brown sugar
1 can Coke (not diet)

Cook pork in pot on low for 6 hours (cover roast 1/2 with water. I cooked for a couple of hours on high and switched to low, that made it shred easier; also, when you add the other ingredients, please take out some of the water, leaving only about ½ in. in the bottom of the pot). Add ingred. to pork 3 hours before it is done.

You can also do this with Dr.Pepper instead of Coke if you're feeling daring. I found it a bit too sweet with D.P. but some of you might like it.

LIME RICE
in a saucepan, saute:
2 T butter
1 yellow onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced

In a large pot, bring to a boil the following:
6 2/3 cups water
8 t chicken buillion
1/2 bunch cilantro chopped
2 tsp cumin
2 sm cans diced green chilies
1 T lime juice
1/2 t pepper
3 cups of rice (maybe a half cup more, you'll have to play with it)

This makes a buttload of rice. Just be warned, you will have leftovers.

Pico de Gallo
4 fresh tomatoes, chopped
1 white onion, chopped
1/4 bunch cilantro, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 t lime juice
1 t salt1/2 t pepper

TOMATILLO DRESSING
1 pkg Hidden Valley Buttermilk Ranch Dressing mix
1 C buttermilk
1 C Mayo
1 to 2 tomatillos
1/2 to 1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 to 1/3 bunch cilantro, chopped
1/2 t lime juice
1/2 to 1 small jalapeno, seeds removed!

And now for my new favorite band. I hate having to put you guys through the fickleness of my musical tastes, but I swear this band is one of the best I've heard in ages. Plus this video's just cool. Enjoy Malajube's "Montreal-40 C".

The Mexican Identity Crisis

2008-03-14T21:16:00.008-04:00

First off thanks for the Tripps for the cool widget. Although it probably over inflates my already over inflated ego. Does that make me a super-ego? I never did understand Freud.

On to my current crisis. For those of you who didn't know, in college I dated a Finn...That is an individual from Finland...Finland is in Europe...That's east of Boston for some of you less cartographically inclined readers.

Now the Finns are an interesting people. Their language is impossibly difficult. In fact it would probably be easier to learn to juggle without hands than to learn that language. I'm amazed their children can even learn it. Astrid you live next to Finland, couldn't you Swedes have done something during your centuries of domination to eradicate that language?

Besides the linguistic problems other difficulties existed in that relationship. Notable on the list was what can be described as a fierce ethno-nationalism amongst the populace that sometimes borders on xenophobic racism. Oh the fact that I kissed Wife before I broke up with Finland-Girl might have been another strain on the relationship, but I digress, race was the main issue. As with most Finns, Finland-Girl was fair skinned despite her dark hair. I on the other hand look like I'm either coming from a Bar Mitzvah or a Ramadan celebration. Needless to say her father wasn't pleased with the prospect of her dating me.

I mean honestly I look like a rabbinical student.

My ethnic ambiguity has actually been a source of great pride for me. Quite like our friend Sina I have been blessed with the ability to "pass" in nearly country bordering the Mediterranean and not look like a tourist. Indeed I've taken pride in my Franco-Scots-Mexican heritage to the point that I might have made a tiny oversight in my genealogical research. While my dad's family is 50% Scottish and 49% French (1% other, we don't like to talk about them (Irish)), my mom's family is 25% Mexican. Of course I tend to forget about that remaining 25%, largely because they've been in American since before the Revolution. I just assumed that they were English and quite frankly who pays attention to the English.

How surprised was I then to get the results from the mitochondrial DNA sample that my sister sent in to the Genographic Project (greatest Christmas present ever). For those of you not familiar with the Genographic Project they basically take DNA samples from you and trace the most dominant genetic line. For women this means they sample your mitochondrial DNA which is passed from mother to daughter. This means that they can trace the dominant female line genetically and based on mutations in your genetic code they can determine where people with your genotype constitute a large proportion of the population. Thus they can tell you fairly accurately where that line came from. They do a similar thing with men but using the Y-chromosome. Here're my results (okay actually my sister's but we're fairly confident we have the same mother):

As you can see, I quite clearly was dating my cousin in college. I must ask though if I have to have Scandinavian blood in my veins why can't I be one of the cool viking ethnicities like the Swedes or Danes. Why the Finns? They're like the Welsh or Arkansans of Scandinavia.

Here's another Matt Costa video. This guy rocks, thanks Ty.

The Problem With Daylight Savings Time and Cooking

2008-03-10T01:18:00.004-04:00

Okay so it's 1:15 AM (yes that exists) and do you know what your husband is doing? Nothing nefarious, or at least not in this case. I'm sitting here with my work laptop. I just finished writing a long email in my broken French, broken because when I'm sleepy I ignore things like conjugation and pronouns (which isn't too unlike my English now that I think about it). Now I'm debating whether or not I really want to start work on the flow chart I wanted to finish for work over the weekend. And before you ask, no this is not a sign of my devotion to my work, it's merely a sign of the boredom I feel on the weekends.

Of course I might have been able to finish my flow chart (seriously does anyone even look at them in the corporate environment) if not for the geniuses in Congress who decided to move up daylight savings time. Now I have issues with time changes in general. Mostly my issues can be boiled down to the following problem. Why is it 1:24AM at this moment today when exactly 24 hours ago the same moment was actually 12:24 AM? How can I have gained or lost an hour (I'm too tired to figure out which right now)? Why does this have to be so arbitrary? Most importantly of all, why would I be awake at either hour?

Now this antipathy I feel for Daylight Savings Time, and Standard Time for that matter, I don't want to discriminate, comes from a few experiences that have forever marked me. The first was in France, in the beautiful town of Soissons (see Natacha I mentioned it). This is a place of beauty and wonder for me, that will forever fill my heart with joy. Just look for example at the American monument at Chateau Thierry:

For me as I might have mentioned before, I'm too tired to see if I'm repeating myself, this was the place of generational juxtaposition. I was living in France relishing the freedoms of Western society and the Faith that my parents had found. Walking the same ground upon which my great-grandfather had fought and shed much blood. For me and my children that area will always be holy ground (if they don't think it is they're so grounded).

That said I first became aware that I hated time changes when one Sunday morning, a brisk and beautiful one as I recall, I arrived at church at my usual time only to find the building abandoned. Now I did have a proclivity towards being early so I didn't think much of it. However as the minutes passed into quarters of an hour and beyond, I began to worry. Had the world ended and no one told me? Finally a woman from the congregation showed up and seeing my perplexity asked me what was wrong. Explaining that I'd been waiting there for over an hour and that I was disappointed everyone was late she laughed uproariously and apologized that no one had told me to change my clocks back.

Fast-forwarding to this morning I'm sure you can realize the sequel. Wife and I awoke at our usual Sunday time, which means that we barely have enough time to prepare for church. There is, however, always time to settle down to read the Sunday paper. With sleep still clinging heavily too my eyes and savoring the taste of the wonderful blueberry cake that Wife had made the previous night you can imagine my surprise when I read the following banner on the paper.

A Reminder:Did you turn your clocks ahead one hour?

Well obviously not because no one mentioned it to me that I needed to. (We'll conveniently ignore the fact that I adjusted the time clock at work on Friday afternoon for DST) The result of this mix up is that I've been off an hour all day. This meant that I couldn't take the Challah (or Jewish Sabbath Bread) that I'd wanted to have done for lunch, out of the oven until Midnight. Mmmm nothing like a good hot bread at Midnight. It came out quite pretty though.

It has been a day in which everything has gone okay, just an hour later than I expected. At least I got some more Girl Scout cookies from my niece today. I love the peanut butter ones. Well it's 1:49 AM now and I don't think that sleepiness is enough a sickness to get me out of work tomorrow.

Here's a cool vid that Tyler turned me on to. The guy is named Matt Costa. Cool stuff.

Vacation!

2008-03-07T07:21:00.002-05:00

It's official, we're coming to Utah over General Conference weekend. Actually, we'll be flying in and out of Vegas and driving to Utah, probably not for more that General Conference weekend. My plans include seeing my sister's dog, eating Cafe Rio and hitting some used bookstores. It should be good.

Woo Hoo! Spring Break!!

2008-02-28T21:10:00.002-05:00

Any suggestions for how I should spend the next week or two? Granted I have to work everyday but I have next Wednesday night and Thursday night off from school for spring break. Maybe I'll spend one of those nights getting a tattoo or passed out drunk in my own vomit. I don't know. BYU didn't really prepare me for this real world experience.