Saturday, February 13, 2010

Really Canada? Really?

I, like so many of you, love the Olympics, especially the winter games. There are three main reasons for this love affair. The first two are fairly obvious: 1. Biathlon, 2. Curling. The third reason lies in my inability to perform in any of these sports, well perhaps curling because it's basically shuffle board on ice. During my one foray into any of the winter Olympiad sports I managed to knock my two front teeth out, I was 26 at the time.

Of course having the Winter Olympic games in this hemisphere is fantastic as it minimizes time zone lag which ruins the games in my opinion. Well I'd rather the games be in Lake Placid, I'm sure America's hat, or toque as they'd say, will do a serviceable job hosting the games. Although as Bob Costas was wont to point out tonight, Canada hasn't won a gold in an Olympic games that it's hosted. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

The opening ceremonies were quite nice. I liked the use of color and lighting. Canada's celebration of their indigenous populations was quite moving, especially compared to China dressing up Han Chinese and passing them off as Uighers in the 08 games. I loved the fact that the torches for the relays looked like joints (that was hilarious). I loved the giant glass/ice/plastic totem guys at the beginning. Lastly, I'm not sure what those crazy Newfies were doing with the tap dance fiddle routine but that was AWESOME, as is having a province who's residents you can nickname "Newfies". We don't have anything that cool in the States.

All that said I have four complaints about your ceremony.

1. Bryan Adams! Honestly? Canada doesn't have another male singer good enough to do a duet (oh and that song was horrendous) with Nelly Furtado? I'd take the mmmm...mmmm...mmmm guy over him. Or maybe convince BTO to come out of retirement to back her up, or the Tragically Hip (Canada's greatest band). Anybody's better than the gravelly voiced "All for Love" guy.

2. Beat poetry? Really? I was expecting to see Mike Myers bust out a "Harriett, Harriett" poem. Why not? He's Canadian after all.

3. The torch lighting. Now I'm sure bloggers everywhere are harping on the torch malfunction of 2010. I just want to make one suggestion that would have been much cooler than watching Steve Nash try to figure out where he's supposed to stick his Olympic joint. Here it is. Nash gets the torch, lights a hockey puck filled with whatever crazy gas they use to keep the torches lit. Gretsky skates onto the floor, slapshot into the torch, and VOOMMMMMM! That would have been cool.

4. Lastly, I know it's hard to include all your national treasures, but honestly how could you have forgotten this one:

Remember "keep your stick on the ice."

(If you're on facebook come to the blog to see the vid, it is the punchline after all and me telling you to come here is like explaining Far Side comics to my mother. Yes it's funny she doesn't get it without the explanation, but it's not haha funny.)

(I shouldn't be allowed to post blogs at 1am. I get offensive.)

(Oh wait that's how I am normally)


La Yen said...

Bill Murray?

museumeg said...

I love Red Green. They should have him light the torch, maybe throwing a burning lawn chair into the cauldron. Nice! We DVR'd the Opening Ceremonies so will have to catch the joint/torch malfunction in replay. And seriously, who doesn't love Curling? Thanks for the laughs.

Jon and Chelle said...

I haven't seen any of the Olympics so I haven't the foggiest idea what this post is about. But I like it.