Monday, January 11, 2010

Expressing my Frenchness

OKAY I SURRENDER!

The voters have spoken. I have been maligned, vilified, and ridiculed. I remove my assertion that finishing the last 100+ pages of the Omnivore's Dilemma counts as a 2010 read. Like any moderate republican politician standing for election, I respectively concede defeat.

This concession seemed in my best interest as in one week, I not only tried to claim a book that obviously shouldn't count toward my 2010 book tally but I used a dubious loophole to justify my consumption of chips mere days after beginning my abstinence from them (except in now much more carefully elucidated exceptions). That said at least wife and I are now tied for this years reading lists, even though hers was without question a significantly more erudite work. That said she'll probably pad her stats with a few Nancy Drews before the year is out so all's fair.

Oh and no offense meant to the French by the way. I still love you.


Because it's colder than the scary ice lady's castle in Narnia here's a happy warm video that makes me want to move to Hawaii.


If you're reading this on Facebook....well you spend too much time on FB. Get a life and start reading blogs instead...or you could go for a bike ride, whatever.

Friday, January 08, 2010

This is a call to our....fellow crusaders

I love music. I love to sing along with music. I love the fact that 9 times out of 10 I have no idea what the real words to the song I'm singing actually are. This is especially embarrassing at concerts. Despite the presence of the band and a host of fan boys who fervently believe in the sanctity of lyrical correctness, I belt out my made up lyrics. I find this especially funny when I sing swear words into songs that aren't there. For example please listen to the song below.



This was the Foos first big single. I loved it when it came out back in 1995 and have been singing along to this song ever since. Sadly I only recently learned that the chorus actually runs:
This is a call to all my
Past resignations
It's been too long

And to think of all the years that I spent singing it thusly:

This is a call to my all my,
ass loving nation.
This is a call.

And here I thought Dave Grohl just had a very high opinion of his posterior. No wonder the song didn't make much sense.

I might be forgiven if this was a problem only when I didn't have the words in front of me. Sadly I could have the lyrics right in front of me and I'd still end up making up my own lyrics. This seems to happen all the time at Church, When wife and I will be singing a hymn and I'll look over to see her with a smug look on her face and I'll realize, "Oh I should be on verse 1 not verse 3, and I don't think 'How Great Thou Art' has a chorus 'about my ass loving nation'".

In any case, I bring this up because sometimes things aren't always what they seem. For instance the CIA might have been interested in 2002 as I sat in the Salt Lake airport when Air Force One was landing for the Olympic opening ceremonies and I was reading a book entitled "Jihad". Less likely to get me water-boarded but still interesting is the case of the three books Wife got me for Christmas. They are in order:
1. By The Hand of Mormon: The American scripture that launched a new world religion
2. Mormons & Muslims
3. Holy War: The Crusades and their impact on today's world

Taken individually I wouldn't think twice about any of these but combined I can't help but believe Wife's co-workers (she has her presents delivered to work so I won't peak, she knows me well) thought she was plotting a strange Mormon Crusade. That said, she has been buying a lot of Jell-O lately...


And for those of you reading this through a feed or facebook come to the website so that you can see our cool video and our award winning gwound effects.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

And on the Sixth Day...

As you may know, Husband & I made a joint New Year's resolution, a bet, if you will. For calendar year 2010 no soda, chips or candy. If successful Husband gets a fancy new tv (see previous post). I'm not sure about my reward, maybe a fancy new sewing machine of equal value to the tv. We have debated rules and particulars--pretzels and selzer are ok.

Six days in I get a call. Husband needs a ruling on chips & salsa at a Mexican restaurant. He's not really asking permission, though, as he's already consumed said chips and salsa. It's forgiveness he's looking for.

So this offers me a pretty incredible opportunity. I could just end it all here. No tv. Sorry. But this would not accomplish a whole lot. He'd be back to eating chips and drinking soda by morning.

I figure I have a few options, as follows:
  • Just forgive him and give him a pass, this once. A good wife would. But that would send the wrong message. Mercy cannot rob justice. Maybe if he'd called BEFORE he ate the chips.
  • Start reducing the size of the tv he can win.
  • Allow myself one pass. But I don't want to finish the year with an * with my record. And I'm not that excited about eating a bag of chips or having a soda anyway.
  • Demand a bribe, a payoff of sorts, something worth more than chips because I'm also giving him the chance to still win the tv. Some ideas are:
  1. Another cat. No, I don't really want a third cat. I would just have to clean more poo, make another annual trip to the vet, and sweep up more cat fur. And then they'd outnumber us. No.
  2. A book or cookbook that I've been coveting. But I can get those for myself anyway. And a cookbook would end up benefiting the cheater.
  3. Flowers. But they will just die or get eaten by one of the existing cats.
  4. Another night of me controlling the remote. I've won this in bets before but never cashed in. I could wait until March Madness I suppose.
  5. Be content with disgracing him on the family blog and call it good.
Any other ideas? Should I just forgive and move past this?

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Democracy at work

Okay here's the problem. Wife and I have this competition going. In calender year 2009 she trounced me in the annual "I can read more books than you" competition. I have no excuses except that I really love DirecTV. This year I refuse to be beaten again so I'm setting up the blog to track the number of books I read, audio books don't count.

That said we're starting the year off with controversy. Wife in her usual efficiency finished her last book of 2009, Benjamin Franklin: An American Life by Walter Isaacson, with a day to spare. Thus allowing her to start the year off with a fresh book.

I however am not as good a planner and so ended the year with about 180 pages left in the book that I'd been reading for the better part of the last six months (I'd read other books while reading this one). I finally finished it today. The book is The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan. It was a fantastic book and I really enjoyed it. The debate as it currently stands is whether or not this book should count toward my 2010 book list. I say because I had over 150 pages left in the book it should count. Wife disagrees. I thus put it to a vote, if you think it should count toward my 2010 total speak now. If you disagree, don't say anything because I don't want to lose.



For those of you reading this on Facebook or through an RSS feed go here to vote. Remember for every person who reads this but doesn't vote, a Unicorn gores a fairy like Tinkerbell and then tramples its broken body singing "Who's your daddy now", while all the barbies with limbs/heads broken off them come back to life to reek vengeance on those who wronged them. So for goodness sakes VOTE! lest the barbie apocalypse destroy us all.