Thursday, August 27, 2009

Lost in Translation

There are certain experiences in life that are common to all humanity. Perhaps the moment that's most common to us all is that moment when you suddenly realize, that your finger nails have crossed the line into weaponry. I'm not sure how this happens but it seems to me that one day my nails will be a perfectly acceptable length, the next day a TSA agent will have me forcibly subdued while another clips them off with hedge trimmers.

For readers outside the US the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) is an American governmental organization created in response to the 9/11 attacks. So far as I can tell its job is to increase sales of ridiculously small hygiene products like mini toothpaste, and to see how many people they can arrest for public nudity by making them take their belts off when passing through security checkpoints. They also ridiculously make you take your shoes off every time you pass through their screening. This makes American airports the only places in the country where you officially can't be "serviced" with your shoes on, at least outside Nevada.

Besides the inevitability of gross fingernails, we all have those moments in our lives where we have out of body experiences and can see as if in hi-def slow-mo ourselves making complete idiots of ourselves. That I have more of these experiences than most, is not a surprise to any of you I'm sure.

Let me share my most recent foot-in-mouth moment with you.

Our summer vacation this year consisted of three day stay in Utah, followed by one day of travel, a week on a house boat in California, and three days in Arizona with the grandparents. Of course on none of these trips did we bring our camera, or if we did I didn't take any photos. Fortunately Coop always takes many photos so check out his favorites here.

So on to my story. The first night on vacation, our buddy Dan, aka Big Dan T, aka Hoss, aka the Prince of Darkness hosted a reunion of our old friends from the apartment complex where Wife and I met. It was a wonderful evening filled with reminiscence and renewing of old friendships. That is until the train wreck that is Me decided to open my mouth.

Now there are many professions that yield themselves to simply adding an -ing to the end of the profession to describe it. This is called in grammar inging. You think of a dancer, it would be perfectly natural to ask a dancer if they are still dancing, a painter if they are still painting, a firefighter if they're still firefighting. Some professions don't lend themselves to this. For example it would be pure madness to ask a professional cowboy if he's still cowboying, a baseballer if he's baseballing or a pimp if he's still pimping. Okay the last one works but hopefully I don't have too many conversations with pimps.

In any case you can see the dilemma I faced in regards to one of Wife's former roommates at the aforementioned event. Now if she was a doctor holding her newborn and I had asked if she was still doctoring, that would be strange. The fact that she's a nurse and I don't know when to shut up made it a comedy of errors that I think everyone thoroughly enjoyed. Honestly who would think I was interrogating her about her lactation practices? Oh right anyone who's spent time with me.

And yet I still tried to talk my way out of it. Until finally I gave way under the weight of my own idiocy.
Good to see old friends again though. We really should do it more than once a decade.

(If you're viewing this on Facebook or through an RSS feed, well you're missing out on the awesomeness of the photos and videos on our blog. Further, your lack of comments on our blog makes me want to gouge out my eyeballs in hopes that pain lessons the emotional trauma you've caused.)


museumeg said...

Don't feel too bad stew! We all do it! I've had some really humiliating ones. We should have a competition someday to see who could come up with the worst faux pas. :)

Chelle Ellsworth said...

That was your latest foot in mouth incident? But that was like 2 months ago!

Mia said...

Love the sidenote on the TSA. And your decision to NOT stop in TX and visit us hurts. We're not feeling the love.

panini said...

it was a sweet moment! ;) ... and then when she hid her chest from you, even richer

Lempskies said...

LOVED the group photo! Wish we could have been there too.
The TSA explanation was amusing, but I don't know why you complain of a lack of comments. You do get a decent number of comments/insults.