Friday, March 13, 2009

A Boot to the Head and Fingers to Eyes

I am not a graceful man. Ask anyone who's ever seen me dance, and they will attest to this fact (of course I'm eliminating all those people bit by bit so they best not comment on this blog post). I have the agility of a three legged elephant, the rhythm of a squirrel hopped up on crack, and the response time of a beached whale. Perhaps this is why the Wii Fit keeps asking me if I walk into walls.

This means that I need to be given a wide berth else I run into, trip, or otherwise manhandle and maim you. Sadly the love that Wife bares for me keeps her coming back into the "danger zone", or perhaps it's her adrenaline addiction. In any case this has led through the years to some incidents of what some would call "spousal abuse" but what I would call putting her eye where my elbow was.

Now I do not want to bore you with a reminiscence of the many "concussive episodes" we've had through the years but I did want to tell you about the most recent one. Perhaps in so doing I'll assuage some of the guilt that I feel.

Like many boring or elderly couples we typically go to bed with the sunset and read a few hefty tomes by candle light while listening to the wireless. Finishing our reading Wife rose on the night in quest to extinguish the illumination. Normally she quickly slides into bed after so doing. However our timing was off a bit the other night and instead of gracefully putting my arm around her to hug her good night, I eye-jabbed her three stooges style. I swear it's not my fault though, I'm just clumsy......that said it's been the couch for me every night since.

Since I can't see the Chicago River turn green this year here's a little taste of Ireland for you.


Wife of dastew said...

I'm supposed to say that I fell down the stairs. That's right, Husband would never hit me. It was the stairs.

Smathers House of Girls said...

I've seen you dance so I shouldn't be commenting. However, you actually will dance so I'm impressed. I'm pretty sure I have 3 or 4 left feet so I am the classic wall flower. I'm very sorry that Caroline "fell down the stairs" Thanks for the video! I love muppets.

Roy said...

Last night I went to the chapel to take care of some stuff. On my way from the library to the clerk's office, I cut through the cultural hall in the dark. Fifteen feet in I stepped on the cart that holds the folding chairs. I tripped, bashed my face on a chair, nearly swore, was convinced I had broken my glasses and would have no way of getting home, and finally got up. I've now got a swell shiner on my left eye and a ward FHE activity tonight. Good times, this being clumsy.

Doug said...

Sadly, I too have seen Stew dance. Luckily for me I have lived to tell the tale. Perhaps you should look in to some of those giant foam fingers, to protect your wife from "the stairs".

John, Megan and girls said...

Oh, poor Carolyn. I hope that no lasting damage was done, and that her eyes still perform all of their functions properly so that she doesn't join in on your clumsiness Stew, that might be scary having two of you in the same bed.

Troy said...

I can neither confirm nor deny that I have ever seen you dance, I just wanted to say, Happy Iranian New Years. Mazel Tov!

PS C, watch out for those stairs!