Thursday, November 01, 2007

Don't Cry For Me Oh Canadia!


Canada should be considered America's hat, the 51st state, the great trailer park to our north. The two countries already share common defensive agreements and (kind of) a common language. They should share a common military, a common currency and a common border policy. In fact there should be no border crossing between America and Canada. Americans/Canadians should be able to cross the border at will and get jobs on either side without need for a Green Card, Blue Card, or any other color card. Yes Canada should be broken into pieces with each province becoming another state/territory of the United States.

(Alternatively we should jettison everything south of the mason-dixon line and form a United States of Hockey)

There I said it. According to Google Analytics we rarely get Canadian hits, so I'm guessing I won't get too many incensed Canadians threatening me with hockey sticks.

Canada and the US have the longest contiguous border of any two nations on earth. To put it in perspective, if Canada were Germany and the US were France, the Germans would need ten men to take the border instead of their usual three. It's that big a border.

Not only is it a huge border but it's also a very profitable one. While southern sister-loving, chaw-chewing, gun-toting, cross-burning bigots might not like to admit it, but Canada is more important to the northern economy than they are...almost makes me wish we'd let them secede but I digress. There are many cities in the northern tier that have positioned themselves as suburbs of Canadian cities. What other reason do you have that can you explain Plattsburgh, NY?

All of that said we spent a good weekend in Canada last month (October 2007). We crossed at Niagara like so many others and would have wasted reams of cellulose if not for the invention of digital cameras. The falls were awe inspiring, if a little wet and cold.


As to Canada itself. I have to say I envy their level of tolerance and social welfare. Not like the American side where they even detain peaceable Englishmen.

Also in the US, people like the one you see below would have been shipped to Guantanamo and water boarded (That's not torture though because Bush says we don't torture, thus and therefore water boarding isn't torture. You'd think you pinko liberals would have figured that out by now.) In Canada this kind of militant looking weirdo is just celebrated. I'm sure my mother is proud.

I am not the Unabomber. Just an FYI there people.


And now for one of the greatest moments of my life:

(I was long since asleep because baseball on tv is so boring. Still GO SOX!!!!!!!)

OH AND LOOK UPDATED LINKS ----------->

7 comments:

Alissa said...

Red who?

dastew said...

You make me sad liss. And happy that you read a post within minutes of it going up. Now that's dedication.

Jon & Chelle said...

I thought Mr. Kelly taught us that Canada IS part of the US....

Alissa said...

i've a very dedicated fan...of you guys.

Cami said...

you're just trying to be inflammatory! if you were halfway serious I might have to throttle you over this Canada thing!

dastew said...

.....yes I'm kidding.....

Actually in an event where Quebec secedes from Canada the US would very easily pick up territory. The Maritime provinces would have no interest in joining Quebec and to remain part of a smaller Canada would be untenable geographically. That coupled with the fact that there's always been strong cultural ties with the New England states would make them readily assimilate into the US. The western provinces of Alberta and B.C. have always discussed the possibility of forming their own nation if Quebec seceded. With their natural resources and small population they would be a highly successful one too. That would leave the prairie provinces, the three territories, and a largely land locked Ontario in a smaller Canada whose viability is questionable. In other words it all depends on those Quebecois.

Wife of dastew said...

Oh, yeah, Mr. Kelly, the ex-stoner rocker turned high school English teacher. He, along with the unabomber freshman science teacher and the crazy foreign language staff makes my high school education priceless. Seriously, I can't believe that any taxes actually funded it. Good memory Michelle.