Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The Harrowing Tale of Flat Stanley



Flat Stanley had a bad day. First off his brother sabotaged the chalkboard causing it to fall on him and squish him into a paper thin boy. This of course didn't bother him that much since he was anorexic at the time. What bothered him was when his brother found him, Flat Stanley had no way of defending himself. And so his brother rolled him up and used him to swat moths, flies, and most especially wasps. This was quite maddening as now Stanley's frontside, because it was more fun to have Stanley see what he was swatting, was covered with insect guts and blood. Worse was that the wasps didn't like being swatted without a fight. Just because Stanley was essentially two-dimensional it didn't mean he couldn't be stung. Of course when his brother found the wasp nest this meant trouble and pain for Stanley: the central nervous system can evidently fully operate when one's paper thin.

The ultimate insult, well prior to the one later that evening, was when Stanley's brother decided that he'd forestall any claims that Stanley could make regarding his brother's "alleged" culpability in Stanley's sudden two-dimensionalism. Thus, Stanley's brother took Stanley to the local FedEx Kinko's (registered trademark) and had him photocopied several thousand times. With a preformulated letter written from "Stanley's" perspective he sent the monochromatic copies of Stanley across the country to elementary (grammar) schools everywhere. Soon Stanley was heralded as a hero by school children everywhere who read his story and passed photocopies of photocopies of Stanley throughout the earth. In time he became the most downloaded boy in all the world, though this was small consolation to him. For unbeknownst to all the children of Earth, Stanley was no more. His brother had used him to ignite the kindling in their woodstove that same evening.

Despite the fact that Stanley died that night, though some very nice chamomile tea was made using the heat he helped provide, part of his soul was transmitted with each photocopy made at that Kinko's. Stanley's brother failed to recognize that all box stores like FedEx Kinko's steal the souls of those who enter their domains. Thus by photocopying Stanley in an evil corporate store, he actually ensured that his brother soul would live on. It was because of this oversight that I came to discover the true story of Flat Stanley. For I like many others received one of the photocopies; I'm on many grammar school mailing lists, don't ask. It was my Flat Stanley who told me of his main self's sad story.

So sad was Stanley and so terrified of his older brother that Wife and I decided the best way to help him was to take him on vacation. To help him recuperate...and plot his revenge.


Thus the three of us departed on a vacation to the Southwest. Stanley was quite excited to see the massive planes that would carry him to the desert wastelands of Arizona and New Mexico. And so we set out on a trip that would carry Stanley almost the length of the continent and a meeting with destiny....to be continued.





I'll try to complete the tale of Flat Stanley next week, in the meantime here's another Low video. I will get you all to love them if it kills me or if I run out of video's to link. This is their song called Hatchett. Also please note our new Foxy Tunes signature at the base of this post. This is a feature in the latest FoxyTunes add-on for Firefox. It posts a signature of the song that was playing on the computer when I first start posting. Nice huh? And yes I do like Maroon 5 and yes I am a dude, I don't know why the two seem mutually exclusive.


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Now playing: Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder
via FoxyTunes

15 comments:

Ethan's Mom said...

Ooo. I can't wait to hear how Flat Stanley gets his revenge. My guess is papercuts.

dastew said...

Ugh where'd my pictures go? Bad blogspot, bad! I'll have to put them back when I get home.

dastew said...

There that's better.

La Yen said...

If you are seriously coming to AZ and NM, why are you not coming to see me? Or why am I not meeting you somewhere?

Papo took flat Stanley to Dubai, Kuwait, and London. Makes your SW trip look pretty crappy by comparison...

dastew said...

Papo's a show off. This is all a vehicle to give you some of the pictures from our Arizona/New Mexico trip over Memorial Day. We'll be in Utah the last weekend in September if you want to meet then.

Carolyn said...

We will not in Utah the last weekend in September, we will be in Utah the days surrounding the 21st of October. Apparently husband and I need to talk more.

Panini said...

My aunt did Flat Stanley ALL over Europe - taking pictures of him. I never understood what it was about.

dastew said...

Wife...are you sure about that?

La Yen said...

Time to get to AZ/NM= 4-6 hours. Time to get to Utah = 13 hours. We are in a fight with you.

Actually, the end of October we are gong to Disney. You in?

dastew said...

world or land?

Mr Jo Bloggity said...

This is a very disturbing tale of sibling rivalry gone awry. Our kids will never act like that.

Wife said...

The Kimber blessing is still scheduled for Oct 21 and the NM Turners will be in town the week before. We can fight about it when I get home today.

La Yen said...

Land. World when W comes back from Kuwait

dastew said...

Well Disneyland might be difficult but since we were already planning a Florida trip (yes lissa but officially it's to see my nana though we'll spend more time with you) we could meet you and W at DisneyWorld.

Alissa said...

well, hurry the heck up and get down here... p.s. disney's a waste of money...