Saturday, November 25, 2006

Politics, Home Repair and Jock Itch, Part 1

Politics, home repair, and jock itch all share a lot in common. None of the three ever seem to end. None of the three are things that you want to talk about really. None of the three are things you really can get involved in without getting dirty.

Why is that? Why should politics be so dirty? Well in case you didn't pay attention to the last election I'll tell you the reasons. Politicians think people are idiots. No it's true. In lieu of telling us "Um we screwed up by starting a war in Iraq under false pretenses" they tell us things like this:
I wish you would have given me this written question ahead of time, so I could plan for it. (Laughter.) John, I'm sure historians will look back and say, gosh, he could have done it better this way, or that way. You know, I just -- I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with an answer, but it hadn't yet.
--George w. Bush

Washington, DC
04/03/2004
after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made


No seriously he said that! The reality is this my friends, we are ruled by a bunch of pretentious idiots who feel that they have a right to rule and not a responsibility to rule right. Because of this our country is the national equivalent of Arby's, good curly fries but not much else to offer. If only our politicians listened and looked out for us, we could be the national equivalent of a restaurant like Sabatino's in Baltimore.

Sidenote: If you're ever in Baltimore you must go to Sabatino's and get their bookmaker salad it is to die for!!!!!

You might think from all this that I'm pessimistic about the future. Truth be told I'm not. I believe that we have the chance for a new beginning. This past election put into the halls of congress many moderates who have a chance to shape America for the better. Making us a nation that doesn't just settle for curly fries and roast beef special sauce, but a nation that knows that there's nothing better than a properly done filet mignon. So let freedom ring and let's eat.

Sorry for the food analogies, I shouldn't write these when I have the munchies.

Song of the day: In keeping with the pro-American theme I'm going to recommend you look up American Dreaming by Dead Can Dance. Most of their stuff is a little too new-agey but this one song is one of my all-time favorites.

P.S. Check out some of our new blog links. Also I will complete the story of home repair and jock itch with my next posts.

P.P.S. Now aren't these just cute. Looks like our cat Lilly (full legal name Lillian Lilith Turner-Forbes, I tried to convince her not to hyphenate) is afraid it's going to rain inside.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

So I'm incredibly vain (this is husband why the way, I want in no way to insinuate that wife is vain, she is the most wonderful and compassionate person I know). I know you're shocked by this news but it's true. I take pride in being the smartest one at parties (who else knows that one of the underrated turning points of the American Revolution was the not so legendary Battle of Valcour Island ), I love the fact that I am the only guy at church who wears cuff links on a regular basis, and I love the fact that I have beautiful straight teeth.

Well I must now confess I'm living a lie. While I might still be the smartest guy at parties and I do look sleek in my mostly blue white collared french cuff dress shirt, my teeth are neither straight nor beautiful.

You see I had this problem as a child my baby teeth didn't want to fall out. In fact they wanted to stay in so much that I had to have many of them removed. Yet my many layered teeth also caused my parents to spend thousands of dollars in orthodontia. Here's a picture of me before the orthodontia:
Terrifying isn't it (sorry for the extreme closeup)? This is me afterward:


Okay maybe that's some actor, the point is that I had beautiful teeth. Until one tragic night where some dear friends of ours decided to teach me to ice skate. All was going well until until a little girl skated out in front of an oncoming Zamboni. No one else was near her so I skated out awkwardly to stop her from her instant doom. Leaping from off the ice I sailed ten feet pushing the child to safety. I fortunately also slid out of the way of the behemoth of the ice, but was scarred by my teeth meeting the ice. My front two teeth broke in half, but it was a small price to pay (actually the price was not that small) to save a child. Or at least that's the version of the story I'll be telling my children for the rest of my life.

In any case I had my new dentist recently put crowns on my teeth to repair them. They looked beautiful. Or at least did until another dentist gave me candy as part of the vast dental conspiracy which is Halloween. I managed to chip one of my crowns on a Butterfinger. The repair job my dentist did was chipped again (four days later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) on a piece of pizza. In other words my vanity is now being dealt a big dose of humility in the form of bad looking teeth. Here's the most recent photo:
So much for my vanity!

Song of the day: La Tribu de Dana by the French Celtic rap artists Manau. All I have to say about them is this, it's about time someone included bagpipes in a rap album!